It blows my mind how people can justify living by their own will. I know I am guilty of it often myself. I am guilty of sinning everyday. The difference is I try and always recognize my sin and repent and ask forgiveness for all sins I have committed, even the ones I am not aware of.
We have a problem in the church. It's not a problem that is small but one that is allowing Satan to destroy the church. This problem is not only running rampant in America but is a worldwide tragedy. The problem is we as Christians rationalize our sins and the sins of our Brothers and Sisters everyday. We make statements like, "the Bible didn't really mean that." We say things like, "the culture was way different when the Bible was written then it is today."
Yes that is true the culture has changed. Why has it changed and how has it changed? Well after 2,000 plus years since Jesus was murdered for our sins, Satan has been deceiving us with his lies. Lies like it's OK for women to lead the church. Lies like it's natural for men to have sex with men and for women to have sex with women. We have come to justify that men and women can have sex outside marriage, that it's OK to have sex with many partners. We even rationalize that it's OK for teenagers to have sex as long as it's safe sex. We even have gone so far to say that murdering an unborn child that God has given life to is not only acceptable by law but we will pay for it with tax dollars in this country.
No where in the Bible does it say that any of these previously mentioned items are acceptable. There are many versus on each of these subjects. There is no where in the Bible that says the Word of God will expire and be rewritten to accommodate our new broken culture.
We as Christians MUST allow the Word of God to be the only benchmark for how we live our lives. When we fall short we then will be covered by Grace, only after we confess our sin but not make excuses for it. I wish all churches would start getting back to the basics and only focus on the Truth in the scriptures. I believe this is part of the reason we Christian's are called hypocrites so often.
I myself live in hypocrisy more than I would like to admit. The key however is when I recognize it I confess it and lay it at that cross.
Whenever you hear a Pastor give you their interpretation of the Word of God. Ask them to use the Scriptures to validate their opinion. If a Pastor or Elder makes a comment such as times have changed or our culture is different now from when the Bible was written. You may just look them in the eye and say as your Lord once said, "get behind me Satan."
John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.
Whenever we challenge God and try and change the Word to satisfy our broken and sinful lives we are allowing Satan a stronger grasp on us. We are listening to the lies of the enemy and we are telling God that Satan's lies have more power and worth than God Almighty. We must as a church, the body of Christ start living our lives as God has directed us in the Holy Bible, His Word...and the Word was God.
Heavenly Father, please allow me to live my life in your Light. Give me the strength to stop listening to the lies of Satan and to only hear the love from your Word. Please Lord give me the strength I need to stop rationalizing my sins and brokenness. Father I pray for all people in this nation and across the world that have proclaimed you Lord Jesus as their Lord and Savior to stop living the lies in your church. I pray we stop accepting the lies from Satan and that we stand up to the weak leaders in your church and challenge them to get back to Your "Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth." Please Lord forgive us of the sins that we commit sinfully in your name. We know you hate each and every sin equally and yet we try and justify that some of our sins are better than others even though we know that all sin is evil and hated by you God. Please forgive us of this broken state our culture and society has inexcusably become. Thank you Lord Jesus. In your Holy and Glorious name. AMEN
Monday, April 16, 2012
Saturday, April 7, 2012
Saturday April 7, 2012
After much prayer and reflection I have been brought to a realization. A lesson that God wanted me to learn. A very hard and humbling lesson at that. He used my own pain to teach me how I hurt Him over and over again. This is a lesson that I was not wanting to learn and a lesson that angered me greatly at God as I was living through it.
You see God brought me together with an incredible and beautiful woman of God a while ago and it was magical. We talked, we prayed and we studied our Father together. There were many confirmations that this was His will even though at the same time it was also our will. One of the few times in my life that I feel my will and God's will were the same. As things were going so well He gave us very specific instructions of obedience. We were doing everything we could to be obedient and life was great. I have never felt the connection with a person like this when we prayed and studied together. It really was euphoric and honestly better than sexual satisfaction. I was so convinced that God finally brought the woman into my life that He was going to one day make into my wife. We prayed for strength that our new relationship and the love that was growing would not become a form of idolatry.
Things were going so wonderful and then Satan began his attacks on us. During this entire blissful time of getting to know one another Satan was angry and jealous and looking to destroy what was happening. Lucifer was attacking her through her children. He was coming into her house on the shoulders of her son's Father that was living in her house as he was committing adultery . He was attacking my insecurities and my vulnerabilities as well. He was telling me that no way I could ever have such a beautiful and loving woman as my wife. The enemy does not play fair and will attack us in every possible way we allow. We allowed these attacks to destroy what God had orchestrated in us. A man and woman that had prayed in faith to bring forward a mate, a partner and lover of Christ to build up and glorify God and His Kingdom.
These attacks were successful and showed how weak we were in our walk with Christ. Immediately she put up walls like I never have seen before and ran. She made all kinds of excuses to avoid our prayer and study time. She made excuses to avoid talking and communicating as fast as we had built something incredible, Satan destroyed what we were building. This was a very sad realization and absolutely tore me up as I'm sure it did her. I got very angry at God. I lashed out in anger in prayer and my walk. I figured if He wouldn't protect something that He had given me when I was being obedient why should I work so hard to live my life in a way that honors Him. Yes, I was listening to Satan's lies and they impacted my life. Therefore I took advantage of a woman that I had no interest in that has a weak walk with God and used her for sex. I immediately felt shame and guilt as God convicted me. The dark emptiness I was feeling was about as low as I have felt since I committed my life to Christ. I found myself praying for Him to end my life. Strike me with a massive heart attack. Allow a drunk driver to crash into me and kill me instantly. All I wanted was to go home to Heaven so I would not have to feel the pain and guilt that my own sin was eating away at my very being. This was when God started to attack Satan on my behalf. To protect me His pitiful child.
Over the last couple weeks God has made it very clear. He showed me how badly He hurts when I turn on Him. He showed me this by using the pain I felt when this woman pulled away as an analogy. See everything was great and wonderful and the love we shared was incredible. Then all of a sudden it soured and there was great pain and hurt in my heart. That is how He feels when my prayer life is focused and my walk is solid and everything I do in my life is to bring honor and glory to Christ. God feels that love and relishes when we love Him the way He desires. However when we turn our backs and live our will and not His will, Father is devastated with pain and great sadness. The pain I have been feeling at the thought of losing my dearest friend and the wife I had dreamt about. That pain is the same pain I cause our Father when I am not walking with Him and for His Kingdom. What a tough lesson this has been to learn and how humbling to realize.
I am so sorry that I have been so selfish and arrogant that God had to use this wonderful woman that has been to hell and back the last 18 months, to teach me how broken and messed up I am. It hurt my heart greatly when I realized that what we had originally experienced was just a storm that God needed to bring me through as to build my faith and trust in Him. It broke my heart when the realization of how badly I hurt God every time I stray from walking with Christ. This was a very painful and humbling experience to say the least.
Lord Father in Heaven,
I thank you for the lesson you have taught me. I thank you for the pain you put on my heart to teach me about the pain I cause you each day that I listen to Satan and not you. I thank you Lord for an unconditional love, grace and mercy that I do not deserve but I welcome with gratitude. I thank you Jesus for the cross that eradicated death for all of the sins I commit against you and your people. I thank you Father for the blessings I receive daily as they are all gifts from you Father. I pray for strength God that I will let go of my will and live in only your will for me. As I know that your will is perfect and I need to stop trying to steer a ship that already has a Captain that is Master and Lord. In Jesus glorious and Holy name I pray. Amen
You see God brought me together with an incredible and beautiful woman of God a while ago and it was magical. We talked, we prayed and we studied our Father together. There were many confirmations that this was His will even though at the same time it was also our will. One of the few times in my life that I feel my will and God's will were the same. As things were going so well He gave us very specific instructions of obedience. We were doing everything we could to be obedient and life was great. I have never felt the connection with a person like this when we prayed and studied together. It really was euphoric and honestly better than sexual satisfaction. I was so convinced that God finally brought the woman into my life that He was going to one day make into my wife. We prayed for strength that our new relationship and the love that was growing would not become a form of idolatry.
Things were going so wonderful and then Satan began his attacks on us. During this entire blissful time of getting to know one another Satan was angry and jealous and looking to destroy what was happening. Lucifer was attacking her through her children. He was coming into her house on the shoulders of her son's Father that was living in her house as he was committing adultery . He was attacking my insecurities and my vulnerabilities as well. He was telling me that no way I could ever have such a beautiful and loving woman as my wife. The enemy does not play fair and will attack us in every possible way we allow. We allowed these attacks to destroy what God had orchestrated in us. A man and woman that had prayed in faith to bring forward a mate, a partner and lover of Christ to build up and glorify God and His Kingdom.
These attacks were successful and showed how weak we were in our walk with Christ. Immediately she put up walls like I never have seen before and ran. She made all kinds of excuses to avoid our prayer and study time. She made excuses to avoid talking and communicating as fast as we had built something incredible, Satan destroyed what we were building. This was a very sad realization and absolutely tore me up as I'm sure it did her. I got very angry at God. I lashed out in anger in prayer and my walk. I figured if He wouldn't protect something that He had given me when I was being obedient why should I work so hard to live my life in a way that honors Him. Yes, I was listening to Satan's lies and they impacted my life. Therefore I took advantage of a woman that I had no interest in that has a weak walk with God and used her for sex. I immediately felt shame and guilt as God convicted me. The dark emptiness I was feeling was about as low as I have felt since I committed my life to Christ. I found myself praying for Him to end my life. Strike me with a massive heart attack. Allow a drunk driver to crash into me and kill me instantly. All I wanted was to go home to Heaven so I would not have to feel the pain and guilt that my own sin was eating away at my very being. This was when God started to attack Satan on my behalf. To protect me His pitiful child.
Over the last couple weeks God has made it very clear. He showed me how badly He hurts when I turn on Him. He showed me this by using the pain I felt when this woman pulled away as an analogy. See everything was great and wonderful and the love we shared was incredible. Then all of a sudden it soured and there was great pain and hurt in my heart. That is how He feels when my prayer life is focused and my walk is solid and everything I do in my life is to bring honor and glory to Christ. God feels that love and relishes when we love Him the way He desires. However when we turn our backs and live our will and not His will, Father is devastated with pain and great sadness. The pain I have been feeling at the thought of losing my dearest friend and the wife I had dreamt about. That pain is the same pain I cause our Father when I am not walking with Him and for His Kingdom. What a tough lesson this has been to learn and how humbling to realize.
I am so sorry that I have been so selfish and arrogant that God had to use this wonderful woman that has been to hell and back the last 18 months, to teach me how broken and messed up I am. It hurt my heart greatly when I realized that what we had originally experienced was just a storm that God needed to bring me through as to build my faith and trust in Him. It broke my heart when the realization of how badly I hurt God every time I stray from walking with Christ. This was a very painful and humbling experience to say the least.
Lord Father in Heaven,
I thank you for the lesson you have taught me. I thank you for the pain you put on my heart to teach me about the pain I cause you each day that I listen to Satan and not you. I thank you Lord for an unconditional love, grace and mercy that I do not deserve but I welcome with gratitude. I thank you Jesus for the cross that eradicated death for all of the sins I commit against you and your people. I thank you Father for the blessings I receive daily as they are all gifts from you Father. I pray for strength God that I will let go of my will and live in only your will for me. As I know that your will is perfect and I need to stop trying to steer a ship that already has a Captain that is Master and Lord. In Jesus glorious and Holy name I pray. Amen
Friday, March 16, 2012
Friday March 16, 2012
As my Bible study tonight brought me through Ezekiel Chapter 6 I was very thankful at how the lessons God prophesied through Ezekiel are still lessons He wants us to hear today. He reminds us Ezekiel 6:4-7 Your altars will be demolished and your incense altars will be smashed; and I will slay your people in front of your idols. I will lay the dead bodies of the Israelites in front of their idols, and I will scatter your bones around your altars. Wherever you live, the towns will be laid waste and the high places demolished, so that your altars will be laid waste and devastated, your idols smashed and ruined, your incense altars broken down, and what you have made wiped out. Your people will fall slain among you, and you will know that I am the LORD.
We today have many idols that we put before God. Sex, money, status, friendships, relationships, jobs, drugs, alcohol, television, video games, computers, social networks and the list just goes on and on. We have to remind ourselves that these are luxuries that we want but don't need. We have to remember that God is truly the only thing that we need and everything else is not important but a bonus in our lives.
When have you skipped praying thanks before a meal because you were in an awkward situation. Maybe a restaurant, maybe a friends house or maybe it was in the lunch room at work. In these cases the idol would have been status and the sin of pride as you didn't want others to look down on you. Do you think God likes being forgotten just so you can remain comfortable in your environment. How comfortable do you think Christ was hanging on that cross.
How about skipping church on a Sunday morning as your favorite team was going to be playing in the big game. Have you ever skipped going to Bible study as you were just too tired from a long day at work or even worse a long day of play. Have you ever skipped going to church on Sunday because you had a sexual encounter the night before and were feeling so guilty for your sin that you thought you could hide from Father that day (reminds me of Adam and Eve).
These are all examples of idolatry that I personally have committed against God. None of these or any other excuse in the world will excuse you from God's perfect judgement. We are so broken and sinful and are so great at rationalizing any reason to not pray thanks, to not face Him directly with total repentance when we sin, to try and justify why we don't give God the time and obedience that He deserves.
This chapter in Ezekiel is a great reminder that if we don't heed God's warnings in the Bible and live a life with His Son Jesus that we will be judged perfectly and it will not be pretty. He is a fair and perfect God that will judge fairly and with perfection. The great news is the news of the Gospel. The fact that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior that by the blood of Christ all sins are washed away and are forgiven. This of course takes true repentance and the true desire in your heart to change your life in a way that pleases God. Does this mean you must be perfect? Absolutely not as none of us are even capable of perfection.
So please remember this. The only thing in life you need, for real life is God. Everything else is a want or desire and if you put anything else before God that is called an idol and your are committing the sin of idolatry.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for this reminder tonight that the only thing I need to truly feel good is you God. That no matter the situation I am going through that by coming to you in faith and prayer it will become easier as you have that kind of wonderful healing power and all we need to do is ask you and we shall receive it. Please Lord help me keep you at the center of my world so i am not distracted by my desires and to remember that it's OK to have these things of the world as long as we do it in a way that always leaves you God as the number one priority. I pray that I can live my life as Jesus taught us and by keeping the first and second commandment that all other laws you have taught will fall into place. I praise you God for all you are doing in my life. I thank you for the friendships you have brought forth and taken away. I thank you for the opportunity to be reminded each day how much you love me unconditionally just by seeking you in prayer or opening up your Word for study. You are such an amazing and awesome God and I am humbled by your love for me that I need to survive eternal life. In Jesus Holy name I pray, AMEN.
We today have many idols that we put before God. Sex, money, status, friendships, relationships, jobs, drugs, alcohol, television, video games, computers, social networks and the list just goes on and on. We have to remind ourselves that these are luxuries that we want but don't need. We have to remember that God is truly the only thing that we need and everything else is not important but a bonus in our lives.
When have you skipped praying thanks before a meal because you were in an awkward situation. Maybe a restaurant, maybe a friends house or maybe it was in the lunch room at work. In these cases the idol would have been status and the sin of pride as you didn't want others to look down on you. Do you think God likes being forgotten just so you can remain comfortable in your environment. How comfortable do you think Christ was hanging on that cross.
How about skipping church on a Sunday morning as your favorite team was going to be playing in the big game. Have you ever skipped going to Bible study as you were just too tired from a long day at work or even worse a long day of play. Have you ever skipped going to church on Sunday because you had a sexual encounter the night before and were feeling so guilty for your sin that you thought you could hide from Father that day (reminds me of Adam and Eve).
These are all examples of idolatry that I personally have committed against God. None of these or any other excuse in the world will excuse you from God's perfect judgement. We are so broken and sinful and are so great at rationalizing any reason to not pray thanks, to not face Him directly with total repentance when we sin, to try and justify why we don't give God the time and obedience that He deserves.
This chapter in Ezekiel is a great reminder that if we don't heed God's warnings in the Bible and live a life with His Son Jesus that we will be judged perfectly and it will not be pretty. He is a fair and perfect God that will judge fairly and with perfection. The great news is the news of the Gospel. The fact that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior that by the blood of Christ all sins are washed away and are forgiven. This of course takes true repentance and the true desire in your heart to change your life in a way that pleases God. Does this mean you must be perfect? Absolutely not as none of us are even capable of perfection.
So please remember this. The only thing in life you need, for real life is God. Everything else is a want or desire and if you put anything else before God that is called an idol and your are committing the sin of idolatry.
Heavenly Father, I thank you for this reminder tonight that the only thing I need to truly feel good is you God. That no matter the situation I am going through that by coming to you in faith and prayer it will become easier as you have that kind of wonderful healing power and all we need to do is ask you and we shall receive it. Please Lord help me keep you at the center of my world so i am not distracted by my desires and to remember that it's OK to have these things of the world as long as we do it in a way that always leaves you God as the number one priority. I pray that I can live my life as Jesus taught us and by keeping the first and second commandment that all other laws you have taught will fall into place. I praise you God for all you are doing in my life. I thank you for the friendships you have brought forth and taken away. I thank you for the opportunity to be reminded each day how much you love me unconditionally just by seeking you in prayer or opening up your Word for study. You are such an amazing and awesome God and I am humbled by your love for me that I need to survive eternal life. In Jesus Holy name I pray, AMEN.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Tuesday February 28, 2012
The last couple of months has been a battle of spiritual warfare like none I have encountered since I gave my life to Christ. The enemy doesn't play fair and I pray that anyone reading this will armour up with the sword of Truth and take the offensive against Satan. See when you only play defense eventually your opponent will score against you. When the game is life and death in the game of Heaven vs Hell you better have a Great Offense, that offense is always the Word of God.
You see the enemy knows my weakness for beautiful women as much as Christ does. Last year I took a vow of celibacy as to honor God in my life. So that I may live as an example and teach other men that struggle as I do with sins of flesh. I was doing pretty good with my walk so I thought.
Yet the enemy kept bringing one beautiful lady into my life after another. I explained to each one that I had taken this vow and each had told me how much they respected it. Then the enemy would build a closeness between us that would in one case put us on the verge of failure. I quickly through prayer and grace of God saw how close I was to the sin and ended that relationship and took it to the friendship zone.
As a result the next beautiful lady that came along was even more tempting yet more dangerous. You see this lady was still legally married. Even though she had biblical reasons to get divorced and was attempting to be divorced for sometime, she was not. This was the warning shot from God that I needed to get on my knees and submit all of myself to Him. Of course in all of my sin I rationalized why it was acceptable to date this lady. I actually took the verse from 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. I used this verse as my defense of why it was OK to date a married woman.
As soon as I justified my sinful relationship I let the heat of the moment take over all my thoughts and desires and I turned my back on Christ. I broke my vow of celibacy. I allowed Satan a victory in my life and broke the heart of not only God but my Pastor and Mentors that had been praying for my continued walk in victory. This should have been devastating to me and here is truly the worst part in my eyes, i didn't even care for weeks. I was so consumed with having sex and being in a broken relationship that was adulterous that I didn't care that I was breaking my Lords heart.
I am so thankful for grace and mercy. I am so thankful for these people God has put into my life that were praying incessantly for me during this storm. I am so thankful that God put it on my heart to pray forgiveness but most importantly to pray for His will once again in my life.
Where I was struggling in my walk that made me vulnerable to Satan's attacks is simple. I was only putting my defensive team on the field and my offense never left the locker room. Ephesians 6: 10-17
In Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
You see when you read that passage where Paul is teaching us how to Armor up for God and battle the enemy, everything is a defensive tool with the exception of the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. That is the only offensive weapon we need. The word of our living God. That is why it's so important to not only read our bible daily but to also memorize the scriptures. That is what is meant by the Sword of the Spirit. When we attack Satan with the Word of God we will always prevail.
Thank you Lord for grace and mercy. Thank you Father for putting people in my life that would pray for me to get back on track when I was not praying for myself. Thank you for forgiving my sin and loving me for the broken and disgusting man that I am and building me into a man that I can be proud to call a child of Christ. I pray for your will in my life Lord. I pray for the continued desire to read your Word daily and to memorize your Word as I may have the offensive weapon I need against the enemy. I rebuke Satan in Jesus name and I love you so much for the love you show me daily. In Jesus name, Amen
You see the enemy knows my weakness for beautiful women as much as Christ does. Last year I took a vow of celibacy as to honor God in my life. So that I may live as an example and teach other men that struggle as I do with sins of flesh. I was doing pretty good with my walk so I thought.
Yet the enemy kept bringing one beautiful lady into my life after another. I explained to each one that I had taken this vow and each had told me how much they respected it. Then the enemy would build a closeness between us that would in one case put us on the verge of failure. I quickly through prayer and grace of God saw how close I was to the sin and ended that relationship and took it to the friendship zone.
As a result the next beautiful lady that came along was even more tempting yet more dangerous. You see this lady was still legally married. Even though she had biblical reasons to get divorced and was attempting to be divorced for sometime, she was not. This was the warning shot from God that I needed to get on my knees and submit all of myself to Him. Of course in all of my sin I rationalized why it was acceptable to date this lady. I actually took the verse from 1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. I used this verse as my defense of why it was OK to date a married woman.
As soon as I justified my sinful relationship I let the heat of the moment take over all my thoughts and desires and I turned my back on Christ. I broke my vow of celibacy. I allowed Satan a victory in my life and broke the heart of not only God but my Pastor and Mentors that had been praying for my continued walk in victory. This should have been devastating to me and here is truly the worst part in my eyes, i didn't even care for weeks. I was so consumed with having sex and being in a broken relationship that was adulterous that I didn't care that I was breaking my Lords heart.
I am so thankful for grace and mercy. I am so thankful for these people God has put into my life that were praying incessantly for me during this storm. I am so thankful that God put it on my heart to pray forgiveness but most importantly to pray for His will once again in my life.
Where I was struggling in my walk that made me vulnerable to Satan's attacks is simple. I was only putting my defensive team on the field and my offense never left the locker room. Ephesians 6: 10-17
In Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
You see when you read that passage where Paul is teaching us how to Armor up for God and battle the enemy, everything is a defensive tool with the exception of the Sword of the Spirit, the Word of God. That is the only offensive weapon we need. The word of our living God. That is why it's so important to not only read our bible daily but to also memorize the scriptures. That is what is meant by the Sword of the Spirit. When we attack Satan with the Word of God we will always prevail.
Thank you Lord for grace and mercy. Thank you Father for putting people in my life that would pray for me to get back on track when I was not praying for myself. Thank you for forgiving my sin and loving me for the broken and disgusting man that I am and building me into a man that I can be proud to call a child of Christ. I pray for your will in my life Lord. I pray for the continued desire to read your Word daily and to memorize your Word as I may have the offensive weapon I need against the enemy. I rebuke Satan in Jesus name and I love you so much for the love you show me daily. In Jesus name, Amen
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Tuesday January 10, 2012
So a couple months ago my Pastor had asked me to share my testimony with the church. I thought this would be rather easy for me as I have shared my story several times before and I have lots of experience with public speaking. Well the research part was simple as I lived my past and know it quite well. What needed to do however was make an outline of my life with a timeline so that I could hit all the points that I felt was important so I may share how God has changed my heart and life to be a better person today. After all the real importance of my story is to give all glory to God as He never gave up on me. To show how He forgave and loved me as soon as I humbled myself enough to seek Him. What an awesome and loving God!
I was actually surprised when I did this and how it brought up memories and things about my life that I had long forgotten. I wish I could say all of these things were pleasant memories but in actuality much of what I remembered were things that lead me to the broken and miserable man I became before I was born again. It’s interesting when you reflect on something from as young as three or four years old and you recognize that is where Satan first began his attacks into your life.
Anyways the night came and I was prepared to share a story of my life. A story of a kid that grew up into a very angry, selfish, greedy and perverted man. At the same time I was telling a story of a God that was always sending different messengers into my life to let me know that I was loved and could have peace if I would just submit to Christ. A story of a man that turned his back on his family, friends and God many times throughout life. A story of a God that was so loving and forgiving that He never gave up on me and eventually carried me away from that broken and wicked man that I once was.
I was actually surprised when I did this and how it brought up memories and things about my life that I had long forgotten. I wish I could say all of these things were pleasant memories but in actuality much of what I remembered were things that lead me to the broken and miserable man I became before I was born again. It’s interesting when you reflect on something from as young as three or four years old and you recognize that is where Satan first began his attacks into your life.
Anyways the night came and I was prepared to share a story of my life. A story of a kid that grew up into a very angry, selfish, greedy and perverted man. At the same time I was telling a story of a God that was always sending different messengers into my life to let me know that I was loved and could have peace if I would just submit to Christ. A story of a man that turned his back on his family, friends and God many times throughout life. A story of a God that was so loving and forgiving that He never gave up on me and eventually carried me away from that broken and wicked man that I once was.
I was actually surprised at a couple things when I first started. First of all that I was really nervous. After all I have shared this testimony before and I have spoken in front of large groups before, yet I was nervous. The other thing that was a bit of a shocker was how easy it was after I started speaking to open up and spill my guts to about 150 fellow Christians. I bared my entire soul that night. In doing so I attempted to share how great and glorious God is and that if He will save someone like me that deserved to burn in hell, then He is willing to love and save anyone that is willing to seek him by humbly submitting to Christ.
I felt over all I did rather well. I did say one really stupid thing towards the end that God immediately convicted me on and then just as quickly gave me the grace to move past it. (this was not the place to make any jokes and God let me know)
What I wasn't prepared for was the almost immediate and constant attacks by Satan. That night within 2 hours I was being attacked with thoughts like, "who do you think you are.-- You are not worthy to stand in God's house at His pulpit.-- You just glorified the Devil by sharing all the stories of your sinful life."
Even though I had several people come up to me after I spoke and thank me for my honesty and that it was helpful to them where they were in their walk. I listened to these attacks and went into a deep depression for 4 days. I spoke to my Pastor and I prayed non stop as I even knew these attacks were not from God but from the enemy. I still could not let go and overcome these attacks. Finally God after carrying me on His shoulders for days put me down and brushed me off and reminded me that as long as I trust Him, I will always be able to overcome the attacks of the enemy.
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
Thank you God for your faithfulness. I love you so much and have such desire to be a better man each day to give all glory that you so deeply deserve.
Here is the link if you would like to listen to my testimony from that night. Down the road you may have to scroll down to another page of so to find it. It's listed under sermons on the media page as Testimony of Steve Sleasman. http://realityolympia.com/media-messages/sermons/page/4/
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Sunday December 11, 2011
It's been way too long since I have written as I've had a lot happen lately in my life. I have been keeping notes and will start to post more in the near future. I am healing from a fractured shoulder and have not been able to type much.
About three weeks ago I fell down six stairs in my house and dislocated and fractured my left shoulder. This was the most painful experience of my life. However as bad as the pain was God put thanksgiving in my heart almost immediately.
I was home all alone and the truth is I could have very easily broken my neck and met Jesus in person that night. I also could have broken a leg or a hip and therefore I feel very blessed. Had any of the above happened I would have been in a really tough situation as my kitchen and bedroom are upstairs in my house and I would've not been able to get to work everyday.
When I arrived at the hospital Emergency Room I was in excruciating pain. I found it quite amusing that the nurse told me it was OK to swear. I quickly pointed out to her that God doesn't like swearing and after all I was at a Catholic Hospital.
The staff at the hospital was very kind and quick to get my shoulder placed back into the socket. The doctor wrote me a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon as he was very sure I would require surgery.
The night before I met with the surgeon I went to the end of my weekly small group meeting and asked for prayer in healing. A young man named Danny came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and began to pray for healing. I immediately felt a very hot sensation shooting through my shoulder and arm.
The next morning I went to the Dr. and with complete amazement she told me that I had a perfectly clean break in the shoulder and two pieces of bone had not separated at all. I was told that if the healing continued and I was patient I would be able to avoid having surgery.
This week I went back again so they could take more ex rays and the Dr. was again amazed at how quickly my bone is already healing. I'm about 3-4 weeks ahead of the healing schedule and will not be needing any surgery. I explained to the surgeon that my Physician in Heaven is much stronger and better than their medical science.
Lord Father I thank you for healing. I thank you also for modern medicine and the science that allowed the Emergency Room staff to reset my shoulder and help You with my healing. I thank you for answering the prayers of my wonderful support network that was lifting me up to you in prayer God. I thank you for reminding me how blessed I was immediately so that I could begin to pray even as I was in horrific pain. You Father are such an amazing and loving God and I am so blessed that you mature me each and every day in our relationship. I thank you for healing and love and just pray that I continue to heal and that you will continue to use me as a blessing to others as I disciple and bring lost sheep to salvation. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
About three weeks ago I fell down six stairs in my house and dislocated and fractured my left shoulder. This was the most painful experience of my life. However as bad as the pain was God put thanksgiving in my heart almost immediately.
I was home all alone and the truth is I could have very easily broken my neck and met Jesus in person that night. I also could have broken a leg or a hip and therefore I feel very blessed. Had any of the above happened I would have been in a really tough situation as my kitchen and bedroom are upstairs in my house and I would've not been able to get to work everyday.
When I arrived at the hospital Emergency Room I was in excruciating pain. I found it quite amusing that the nurse told me it was OK to swear. I quickly pointed out to her that God doesn't like swearing and after all I was at a Catholic Hospital.
The staff at the hospital was very kind and quick to get my shoulder placed back into the socket. The doctor wrote me a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon as he was very sure I would require surgery.
The night before I met with the surgeon I went to the end of my weekly small group meeting and asked for prayer in healing. A young man named Danny came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and began to pray for healing. I immediately felt a very hot sensation shooting through my shoulder and arm.
The next morning I went to the Dr. and with complete amazement she told me that I had a perfectly clean break in the shoulder and two pieces of bone had not separated at all. I was told that if the healing continued and I was patient I would be able to avoid having surgery.
This week I went back again so they could take more ex rays and the Dr. was again amazed at how quickly my bone is already healing. I'm about 3-4 weeks ahead of the healing schedule and will not be needing any surgery. I explained to the surgeon that my Physician in Heaven is much stronger and better than their medical science.
Lord Father I thank you for healing. I thank you also for modern medicine and the science that allowed the Emergency Room staff to reset my shoulder and help You with my healing. I thank you for answering the prayers of my wonderful support network that was lifting me up to you in prayer God. I thank you for reminding me how blessed I was immediately so that I could begin to pray even as I was in horrific pain. You Father are such an amazing and loving God and I am so blessed that you mature me each and every day in our relationship. I thank you for healing and love and just pray that I continue to heal and that you will continue to use me as a blessing to others as I disciple and bring lost sheep to salvation. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Sunday November 6, 2011
What a roller coaster of a week I have had. Last Sunday my ex wife Barb had to kick our 21 year old pregnant daughter Melissa out for stealing pain pills. Barb tested her and she was of course positive for the drugs and even when caught she lied about it.
We started trying to reason with Melissa to get her into a treatment program and she was not willing to listen. I contacted my support network and asked for prayers immediately. I contacted the Doctor and a friend that is in the child birthing business and got a quick education.
There is nothing you can do legally even when you know a pregnant women is abusing drugs to protect the baby. According to the laws child abuse can not be accused or enforced until a birth occurs. This angered me but all I could do was pray and ask friends to pray for God to intervene and to warn Melissa that if she or the baby tested positive at birth that the state would take the baby away.
Well thankfully God did do something. On Thursday afternoon Melissa whom had told her Mom that she wasn't going to treatment started calling treatment centers on her own. The Holy Spirit answered the prayers of all of us that were praying and convicted Melissa to get help. I praise Jesus for stepping in and helping our poor broken and hurting daughter.
Friday evening Melissa checked into an inpatient program in Seattle and will be there for 3-7 days and then will come back and go to outpatient everyday but Sunday. I am so thankful for God stepping in when He did.
This week was also the 5 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I was in so much tooth pain that day that I didn't even remember until 3 days later. How bad I felt when I finally remembered. The enemy has really been messing with my mind this week. After praying about this I believe that God may have actually used the emergency root canal on Tuesday to distract me about the loss of my Dad, the grief over Melissa and her choices and the fear of sharing my testimony with the church on Thursday night. There was just so much going on and I needed to focus on my testimony for God and His Glory that I needed to be distracted from everything else.
I went to a class Wednesday night in Tacoma on handling spiritual warfare and was so on fire for Christ all day Thursday. I spent several hours Thursday preparing to share my testimony and in prayer that I would give all glory to Christ for saving me from myself and Satan.
For the most part Thursday night went well. I was really nervous for the first 6-10 minutes and then I calmed down and shared how the enemy had controlled my life and rewarded me greatly for my wickedness but once I gave my life to Christ and started walking with God. I have slowly become a better man. I now am rewarded by God with something much better than women or money. I am rewarded with a love and peace that I never knew existed. I am rewarded with the knowledge of eternal life with Christ, the great I Am.
I only really said one really stupid thing that I truly regretted. I was convicted by God right then and there and with grace God moved me past it and I was able to share the message He wanted me to share. The most important part of my story. The part that even though I am still very broken, I am forgiven and I am covered with a Love that is life changing. I know that I am not the man that God wants me to be but I also know that through grace and love I am getting closer each and everyday of my life as long as I walk with Christ. The moment I stop having a constant relationship is the day I will become wicked again and start living for the enemy again.
After my testimony several people came to me and told me that they could relate. That they had also been struggling with the same sins and the same spiritual warfare from the enemy. It felt really great at that time to have shared with those people how God loves them as He loved me enough to not have given up on me.
Yet within a couple hours Satan was attacking hard. The enemy was telling me I really blew it. That I had glorified him and my sin. That I was not worthy of representing anyone but him. That as long as I testified like I had that night I was hurting the Kingdom of God. Of course at the time I was duped into believing that God was convicting me and telling me I had blown it. That I should leave ministering to people that know what they are doing. I knew that this was not God in my heart but I was believing the lies of the enemy.
These lies have really rocked my world that past few days. Even today I was trying to rationalize not going to church. What if people didn't get the point of my testimony and believed I was glorifying my sin. What if I had offended someone really badly with my very graphic and sinful story. What if...what if...what if.
I prayed all day for Jesus to rebuke Satan but he has had a real stronghold on me. It was so bad that when I did get to church someone came to me and told me that some people were bothered by my story. This person told me that he explained that the enemy was letting them hear the wrong story and that he heard a story that glorified Christ. I just wanted to run out the church and hide. Thankfully I just gave it to God. Thankfully I asked my Pastor to pray for me. Thankfully Jesus once again told me, "I love you and you are good and I am proud. I appreciate that you want to evangelize for me and that you will learn from your mistakes. I appreciate that you are asking me to battle the enemy on your behalf and I your Lord will deliver you from Satan!"
I pray thanks to God for the Son of Man. I pray thanks for His armour against the evil one. In Jesus name I pray thanks for the blood of Christ washing away my horrific sinful life where I lived for evil. I know I will never be deserving of the Love that is free and even though I deserve death I praise God for forgiving my mistakes of the past and my sins of the future so that I may live with Him forever. I thank God for His Spirit dwelling in Melissa and getting her to help herself. I praise God for all He does for me everyday. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
We started trying to reason with Melissa to get her into a treatment program and she was not willing to listen. I contacted my support network and asked for prayers immediately. I contacted the Doctor and a friend that is in the child birthing business and got a quick education.
There is nothing you can do legally even when you know a pregnant women is abusing drugs to protect the baby. According to the laws child abuse can not be accused or enforced until a birth occurs. This angered me but all I could do was pray and ask friends to pray for God to intervene and to warn Melissa that if she or the baby tested positive at birth that the state would take the baby away.
Well thankfully God did do something. On Thursday afternoon Melissa whom had told her Mom that she wasn't going to treatment started calling treatment centers on her own. The Holy Spirit answered the prayers of all of us that were praying and convicted Melissa to get help. I praise Jesus for stepping in and helping our poor broken and hurting daughter.
Friday evening Melissa checked into an inpatient program in Seattle and will be there for 3-7 days and then will come back and go to outpatient everyday but Sunday. I am so thankful for God stepping in when He did.
This week was also the 5 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I was in so much tooth pain that day that I didn't even remember until 3 days later. How bad I felt when I finally remembered. The enemy has really been messing with my mind this week. After praying about this I believe that God may have actually used the emergency root canal on Tuesday to distract me about the loss of my Dad, the grief over Melissa and her choices and the fear of sharing my testimony with the church on Thursday night. There was just so much going on and I needed to focus on my testimony for God and His Glory that I needed to be distracted from everything else.
I went to a class Wednesday night in Tacoma on handling spiritual warfare and was so on fire for Christ all day Thursday. I spent several hours Thursday preparing to share my testimony and in prayer that I would give all glory to Christ for saving me from myself and Satan.
For the most part Thursday night went well. I was really nervous for the first 6-10 minutes and then I calmed down and shared how the enemy had controlled my life and rewarded me greatly for my wickedness but once I gave my life to Christ and started walking with God. I have slowly become a better man. I now am rewarded by God with something much better than women or money. I am rewarded with a love and peace that I never knew existed. I am rewarded with the knowledge of eternal life with Christ, the great I Am.
I only really said one really stupid thing that I truly regretted. I was convicted by God right then and there and with grace God moved me past it and I was able to share the message He wanted me to share. The most important part of my story. The part that even though I am still very broken, I am forgiven and I am covered with a Love that is life changing. I know that I am not the man that God wants me to be but I also know that through grace and love I am getting closer each and everyday of my life as long as I walk with Christ. The moment I stop having a constant relationship is the day I will become wicked again and start living for the enemy again.
After my testimony several people came to me and told me that they could relate. That they had also been struggling with the same sins and the same spiritual warfare from the enemy. It felt really great at that time to have shared with those people how God loves them as He loved me enough to not have given up on me.
Yet within a couple hours Satan was attacking hard. The enemy was telling me I really blew it. That I had glorified him and my sin. That I was not worthy of representing anyone but him. That as long as I testified like I had that night I was hurting the Kingdom of God. Of course at the time I was duped into believing that God was convicting me and telling me I had blown it. That I should leave ministering to people that know what they are doing. I knew that this was not God in my heart but I was believing the lies of the enemy.
These lies have really rocked my world that past few days. Even today I was trying to rationalize not going to church. What if people didn't get the point of my testimony and believed I was glorifying my sin. What if I had offended someone really badly with my very graphic and sinful story. What if...what if...what if.
I prayed all day for Jesus to rebuke Satan but he has had a real stronghold on me. It was so bad that when I did get to church someone came to me and told me that some people were bothered by my story. This person told me that he explained that the enemy was letting them hear the wrong story and that he heard a story that glorified Christ. I just wanted to run out the church and hide. Thankfully I just gave it to God. Thankfully I asked my Pastor to pray for me. Thankfully Jesus once again told me, "I love you and you are good and I am proud. I appreciate that you want to evangelize for me and that you will learn from your mistakes. I appreciate that you are asking me to battle the enemy on your behalf and I your Lord will deliver you from Satan!"
I pray thanks to God for the Son of Man. I pray thanks for His armour against the evil one. In Jesus name I pray thanks for the blood of Christ washing away my horrific sinful life where I lived for evil. I know I will never be deserving of the Love that is free and even though I deserve death I praise God for forgiving my mistakes of the past and my sins of the future so that I may live with Him forever. I thank God for His Spirit dwelling in Melissa and getting her to help herself. I praise God for all He does for me everyday. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
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