Sunday December 11, 2011

It's been way too long since I have written as I've had a lot happen lately in my life. I have been keeping notes and will start to post more in the near future. I am healing from a fractured shoulder and have not been able to type much.

About three weeks ago I fell down six stairs in my house and dislocated and fractured my left shoulder. This was the most painful experience of my life. However as bad as the pain was God put thanksgiving in my heart almost immediately.

I was home all alone and the truth is I could have very easily broken my neck and met Jesus in person that night. I also could have broken a leg or a hip and therefore I feel very blessed. Had any of the above happened I would have been in a really tough situation as my kitchen and bedroom are upstairs in my house and I would've not been able to get to work everyday.

When I arrived at the hospital Emergency Room I was in excruciating pain. I found it quite amusing that the nurse told me it was OK to swear. I quickly pointed out to her that God doesn't like swearing and after all I was at a Catholic Hospital.

The staff at the hospital was very kind and quick to get my shoulder placed back into the socket. The doctor wrote me a referral to see an orthopedic surgeon as he was very sure I would require surgery.

The night before I met with the surgeon I went to the end of my weekly small group meeting and asked for prayer in healing. A young man named Danny came over and placed his hand on my shoulder and began to pray for healing. I immediately felt a very hot sensation shooting through my shoulder and arm.

The next morning I went to the Dr. and with complete amazement she told me that I had a perfectly clean break in the shoulder and two pieces of bone had not separated at all. I was told that if the healing continued and I was patient I would be able to avoid having surgery.

This week I went back again so they could take more ex rays and the Dr. was again amazed at how quickly my bone is already healing. I'm about 3-4 weeks ahead of the healing schedule and will not be needing any surgery. I explained to the surgeon that my Physician in Heaven is much stronger and better than their medical science.

Lord Father I thank you for healing. I thank you also for modern medicine and the science that allowed the Emergency Room staff to reset my shoulder and help You with my healing. I thank you for  answering the prayers of my wonderful support network that was lifting me up to you in prayer God. I thank you for reminding me how blessed I was immediately so that I could begin to pray even as I was in horrific pain. You Father are such an amazing and loving God and I am so blessed that you mature me each and every day in our relationship. I thank you for healing and love and just pray that I continue to heal and that you will continue to use me as a blessing to others as I disciple and bring lost sheep to salvation. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sunday November 6, 2011

What a roller coaster of a week I have had. Last Sunday my ex wife Barb had to kick our 21 year old pregnant daughter Melissa out for stealing pain pills. Barb tested her and she was of course positive for the drugs and even when caught she lied about it.

We started trying to reason with Melissa to get her into a treatment program and she was not willing to listen. I contacted my support network and asked for prayers immediately. I contacted the Doctor and a friend that is in the child birthing business and got a quick education.

There is nothing you can do legally even when you know a pregnant women is abusing drugs to protect the baby. According to the laws child abuse can not be accused or enforced  until a birth occurs. This angered me but all I could do was pray and ask friends to pray for God to intervene and to warn Melissa that if she or the baby tested positive at birth that the state would take the baby away.

Well thankfully God did do something. On Thursday afternoon Melissa whom had told her Mom that she wasn't going to treatment started calling treatment centers on her own. The Holy Spirit answered the prayers of all of us that were praying and convicted Melissa to get help. I praise Jesus for stepping in and helping our poor broken and hurting daughter.

Friday evening Melissa checked into an inpatient program in Seattle and will be there for 3-7 days and then will come back and go to outpatient everyday but Sunday. I am so thankful for God stepping in when He did.

This week was also the 5 year anniversary of my Dad's death. I was in so much tooth pain that day that I didn't even remember until 3 days later. How bad I felt when I finally remembered. The enemy has really been messing with my mind this week. After praying about this I believe that God may have actually used the emergency root canal on Tuesday to distract me about the loss of my Dad, the grief over Melissa and her choices and the fear of sharing my testimony with the church on Thursday night. There was just so much going on and I needed to focus on my testimony for God and His Glory that I needed to be distracted from everything else.

I went to a class Wednesday night in Tacoma on handling spiritual warfare and was so on fire for Christ all day Thursday. I spent several hours Thursday preparing to share my testimony and in prayer that I would give all glory to Christ for saving me from myself and Satan.

For the most part Thursday night went well. I was really nervous for the first 6-10 minutes and then I calmed down and shared how the enemy had controlled my life and rewarded me greatly for my wickedness but once I gave my life to Christ and started walking with God. I have slowly  become a better man. I now am rewarded by God with something much better than women or money. I am rewarded with a love and peace that I never knew existed. I am rewarded with the knowledge of eternal life with Christ, the great I Am.

I only really said one really stupid thing that I truly regretted. I was convicted by God right then and there and with grace God moved me past it and I was able to share the message He wanted me to share. The most important part of my story. The part that even though I am still very broken, I am forgiven and I am covered with a Love that is life changing. I know that I am not the man that God wants me to be but I also know that through grace and love I am getting closer each and everyday of my life as long as I walk with Christ. The moment I stop having a constant relationship is the day I will become wicked again and start living for the enemy again.

After my testimony several people came to me and told me that they could relate. That they had also been struggling with the same sins and the same spiritual warfare from the enemy. It felt really great at that time to have shared with those people how God loves them as He loved me enough to not have given up on me.

Yet within a couple hours Satan was attacking hard. The enemy was telling me I really blew it. That I had glorified him and my sin. That I was not worthy of representing anyone but him. That as long as I testified like I had that night I was hurting the Kingdom of God. Of course at the time I was duped into believing that God was convicting me and telling me I had blown it. That I should leave ministering to people that know what they are doing. I knew that this was not God in my heart but I was believing the lies of the enemy.

These lies have really rocked my world that past few days. Even today I was trying to rationalize not going to church. What if people didn't get the point of my testimony and believed I was glorifying my sin. What if I had offended someone really badly with my very graphic and sinful story. What if...what if...what if.

I prayed all day for Jesus to rebuke Satan but he has had a real stronghold on me. It was so bad that when I did get to church someone came to me and told me that some people were bothered by my story. This person told me that he explained that the enemy was letting them hear the wrong story and that he heard a story that glorified Christ. I just wanted to run out the church and hide. Thankfully I just gave it to God. Thankfully I asked my Pastor to pray for me. Thankfully Jesus once again told me, "I love you and you are good and I am proud. I appreciate that you want to evangelize for me and that you will learn from your mistakes. I appreciate that you are asking me to battle the enemy on your behalf and I your Lord will deliver you from Satan!"

I pray thanks to God for the Son of Man. I pray thanks for His armour against the evil one. In Jesus name I pray thanks for the blood of Christ washing away my horrific sinful life where I lived for evil. I know I will never be deserving of the Love that is free and even though I deserve death I praise God for forgiving my mistakes of the past and my sins of the future so that I may live with Him forever. I thank God for His Spirit dwelling in Melissa and getting her to help herself. I praise God for all He does for me everyday. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Saturday October 29, 2011

I have been having great victory in the Lord recently. I have been able to abstain from sex and even though this is extremely difficult for me I feel very rewarded by God in doing so.

A couple months ago I changed my profile on a dating site to say something like; "Tired of dating and am only looking for people that want to discuss how great Christ is. If you want or need prayer for any situation in your life send me an email with your name and the situation you need prayer about and I promise to lift you to the Lord in prayer".

I received an email from a lady asking me to pray for her Aunt that was having a leg amputated. She also mentioned that she had not found a church in the area and was hoping to get connected soon and find a way to juggle her work schedule as to find a way to publicly worship in a church again. I immediately prayed for the Aunt, her doctors and the family. I also sent the gal a message with a link to my church and asked her to check it out online.

A couple weeks had passed and the woman wrote me a letter of thanks as her Aunt was doing very good after the amputation. She also said she had found Reality Olympia but hadn't been able to attend services yet as she worked all day Sunday as well as Thursday nights.

We emailed back and forth several times for the next few weeks about God and church. I was not really interested in dating her or anyone else as each time I date someone it always leads to sin. After a few weeks of emails she sent me a text message. After many days of texting I finally asked her if I could call her. She agreed and we talked on the phone for over an hour and really hit it off. It was a Tuesday and we were both off that day so I asked her to lunch.

Now I have to admit I was really confused as I remembered from her pictures that she was a black lady but after talking to her on the phone she didn't sound like any black person I have ever spoke with. After we agreed to meet for lunch I actually went online to see her pictures again as I was convinced that I was confused at whom I was about to meet. Well, I was surprised she really was black. I immediately felt convicted for judging her solely on her voice and speech.

Well I met her at a restaurant for lunch and we just hit it off. We talked about God and family and past relationships and our desires for future relationships. We laughed, she cried, it was just an incredible first meeting. We both were at the same point in our lives and were tired of the dating scene. Yet we were both very attracted to each other.

As I always do I started moving way too fast and about scared her away. I quickly realized that by chasing women away from me was a defense mechanism that I had developed to not let anyone get all that close to me. Ah man, how great is God for giving me the ability to recognize my own faults and shortcomings.

As I mentioned things started to heat up pretty fast even though we both agreed how important as Christians it is that we remain celibate until we are married to whomever God brings us to. Of course this was much easier to say than to practice. We came really close to crossing that line that God had put on our hearts to not cross. Not once but several times.

We prayed about it together and independently to gain strength and courage to be able to spend time together and not disappoint God. We set some boundaries and it has been going well since.

Last week I let her stay on the couch one night as we had been talking very late and she has a 40 minute drive home. I felt really safe doing this as my daughter was home and I knew I would behave as my goal is to be a living example to Alexandria.

Yesterday I knew we were going to a birthday party after I got off work and so I prayed early in the morning and throughout the day for strength and will power to overcome sin with this lady once again. We went to the party and after went back to my house and watched a great Christian movie called What If? By the time the movie was over and we talked about the lessons of the movie it was after midnight. She was wanting to head home but was extremely tired and was dreading the drive. My first thought was she had to go as Alexandria was at her Mom's house and I can't be trusted with a sexy woman alone in my house.

That is when I said a quick prayer to God to continue to lead me away from sin. I then gave her the option of staying on my couch and she gave it some serious thought and accepted the offer.

I headed to bed and she hunkered down on the couch.

WOW, I slept great. I woke up with such thankfulness to God for giving us the strength and courage to live for Christ last night. This was such a huge victory against Satan for me. I have been praising God all morning. The reason that Christ gave me this victory so easily is I started laying this problem at His feet early in the day in anticipation of our date. I continued to pray for Jesus to deliver me from all temptation throughout the day.

Of course the answer as always is found in the Holy Word.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Thank you Lord Jesus for once again showing me your greatness in delivering me from the enemy. I praise you Lord as it was your strength and will in me that kept me in line last night. I praise you Father for bringing me to You all day in prayer and the wisdom your Holy Spirit is providing me for your Glory. In Jesus name I give thanks as I love you Lord. You are my Life, my Peace, My Love, My Lord. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Sunday October 16, 2011

I used to be one of those people that said "I don't need to go to church to worship God". I hear these same type of comments from friends and family often. I worry about the people I love and care about that don't have an active relationship with Christ.

Here is the thing. You wouldn't leave San Diego for Boston without a map or GPS and hope that you would just miraculously end up by fate in Boston by picking roads at random. Yet people think because of grace that they can go down any road they so choose and still end up in Heaven.

God has given us a GPS for our lives and it's called The Holy Bible. This Atlas gives us all the directions we need to get to Heaven. It's very clear that there is only one road that will get us to the Kingdom and that road is through Jesus Christ. All other roads will be as the rock band AC/DC has sung about and lead us down the Highway to Hell.

The great news is that at anytime a person traveling down that highway to hell can change course and be saved. All they have to do is ask God to lead their life and forgive their sins. Lets witness to these people and get them on that road with Christ. Lets show them how God has saved us and changed our lives for His Glory. We must be walking examples of God's love and beauty at all times through our own actions.

Then why is it so tough for us to travel the path through Christ? I believe it's because the Devil is always trying to tempt us into detours. It's no different than how he deceived Eve in the Garden to question God and His authority. Everything we encounter in our life that tempts us to justify not walking with Christ is a temptation of the enemy.

My prayer today is for all my friends, family and enemies to start using the Bible as their life's GPS system. It is the only way we will all be reunited in Heaven as a family of our Lord, Jesus Christ. I pray that we all stop making excuses for the enemy who will always attempt to destroy our lives and tear down the Body of Christ.

We must be strong and start worshipping the God that was the beginning and will be the end of all things. We must give glory onto Christ for everything we have and everything we don't have. God created us not to glorify ourselves but to glorify Him. He did not Create us to die in Hell but to live eternally with Him in Heaven and to give Him all glory all the time. It all starts with his Word. It all will be the greatest journey that our finite minds will ever witness.

Please don't give up on sharing with your friends and family the good news of the Gospel. Jesus commanded each of us to never stop fighting for Him and the Kingdom of Heaven. God wants us all to be saved through the blood of Christ and to travel that road with Christ. Jesus will be carrying us when we are too weak to walk on our own. Please Brothers and Sisters, there is not a person on this planet that is not worthy of becoming a disciple of Christ. Please do not every give up and stop doing His work until Father calls you home to Heaven.

Sunday October 9, 2011

This past February I started a new sales career for Clayton Homes. We are the largest home builder in the United States specializing in Manufactured and Modular Homes. Me landing at Clayton was most definitely a God thing. As a single Dad I needed a position in a company that would afford me flexibility and also that was conducive with my daughters schedule and have me home nightly.

I had been looking for a job frantically as my unemployment had run out and the job I was suppose to start at Stockyard Meat Company disappeared due to reasons beyond my control. I sent out my resume and visited all kinds of different business. My prayer life was in overdrive as my savings was just about drained. All of a sudden I received two calls for interviews on the same day. Oh how I was praising God for my phone ringing.

The first interview was at a furniture store at 11AM and at 11:30AM I was offered the sales position. I immediately accepted and was asked to start in two weeks. My only concern was I would have to work on Sundays. I figured God would figure it out for me as He had just gifted me this job.

 My second interview was at Clayton at 2PM. It went well but I was told  if I scored well on the test I would receive a call in a week for another interview. Oh how I really wanted this job at Clayton. Even though I would have split days off and the housing market was in the toilet I just knew this was a better fit immediately. For starters I would always have Sunday's off as they believed Sunday's were for God and family. I told Steve whom had interviewed me that I had just accepted another job 3 hours earlier but I would prefer to work for Clayton. He told me that he was going to recommend me for the position but he really had no say on the matter. Steve also suggested if I get called back to a second interview with David the store manager that I should not mention the other job offer.

A couple days later I received a call to come in and meet David. David and I hit it off instantly. I quickly discovered that David was on the leadership team at New Bridge, a church I had considered joining a few months prior. We also discovered we had some mutual friends in common. What a great interview this turned out to be but yet David was not at liberty to make the final hiring decision either. I went against the advice Steve had offered and told David about the other job offer and also confided that I would prefer to work for Clayton as well. David suggested that I follow my heart and do what was best for my daughter and I as he couldn't guarantee me a job as I had to wait and meet his two immediate managers and they were going to fly in the next week to conduct the final interviews.

I started praying like crazy for God to lead me. I already had the sure thing at the furniture store but my heart was telling me Clayton was where I needed to be. I felt that the furniture store was going to be a job until I could move forward with my sales career but Clayton was a career opportunity. After praying about it for days I was running out of time.

Finally the day came that I was interviewed by the Regional Manager and West Coast Zone President for Clayton and it went great. They told me as long as I passed the drug screen and background check I was hired.  I had no fear about the drug screen but the background check was a concern. After all I had not lived a clean and Christian lifestyle for very long. I talked to David about my concerns on the background check and he said it was up to HR and God at this point.

I was three days from starting at the furniture store and after many hours of prayer I felt God was leading me to a scary place. I walked into the furniture store and spoke to the manager and told him I needed a few more days as I had been offered another job and was confused by what I was to do and where I would be working.  There was a risk that he would say never mind and good luck. I was pleasantly surprised when he told me he would give me a week to decide and then he followed by selling me on why I should sell furniture. WOW, God had my back once again!

Now it was taking Ray in HR forever to order my background and drug test. I quickly realized that I had to make a decision before I officially was hired by Clayton. I prayed about it and out of complete faith gave it to God and went back to the furniture store and thanked them for the opportunity and told them I was taking the other job. It was five business days later before I finally got the official word from Clayton and I knew that I was tested on my faith in the Lord and had passed with flying colors.

I immediately loved my new job and sold my first house on my 3rd day (there is that 3 again) to a great Christian lady. I was welcomed as part of a very tight team and everyone was so willing to help train me on selling houses.

In the first 5 months I wrote up about 10 sales but 8 of them fell apart. I was getting very discouraged and started to wonder if I had made a terrible mistake. Even though I knew God brought me to Clayton in part to be mentored by my Christian leader and manager David, I was really getting angry at how hard it was to make any money selling houses when all of my deals were unwinding.

I met with David and told him I was considering looking for another job in mid August as I was tired of being broke. David told me he was going to cross the line and ask me some questions that were none of his business. I told him that I respected him enough to feel free to ask anything. He asked me very frankly if I was tithing at church or just making an offering? I immediately answered with, how in the world could I tithe on the weekly draw I get? David challenged me to start tithing and let God prove to me that I couldn't afford not to tithe.

That Sunday I went to church and dropped a check for ten percent of my gross income for that month. Within the next 3 days I sold 2 more houses. I have since sold more homes that are good deals that will get to the finish line and have had two more houses close. We don't get paid until the house closes.

Today I get to go to church and drop the largest check I have ever written to God and it feels wonderful. The best part is that I know in the future God will keep giving more opportunities to give back to him not just in my tithes but also in sharing my gifts that he has blessed me with.

I thank God daily for bringing me to work at Clayton Homes. I thank him daily for the friendship and mentoring that David has enriched my life with. I thank Him daily for the growth and maturity I have been receiving and all the blessings I have been given. I thank Jesus for my weekly pay that I am given and how amazing it is that He only wants to keep a tenth and desires me to take the rest. I am so blessed and have been taught so much about faith in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Thursday October 6, 2011

When I met my ex wife her Dad had a video store with a large porn section in it. When he lost his business to the bank we went in with his permission and cleaned out most of the Disney movies for our kids and large box of porn for ourselves. As husband and wife we occasionally enjoyed watching these movies together.

After we were divorced I ended up with a woman that was addicted to porn and thankfully, it in a way ruined porn for me. This woman would turn it on in our bedroom every single night after our kids were asleep. Like anything in life, too much of something will cause it to lose it's luster.

I am not quite sure how but I ended up with this huge box of porn after the divorce and this other relationship ended. I really have not been that interested in that box of porn over the last few years for a couple reasons. First of all I was now in a new relationship with Christ and I knew whenever I did look at porn I was disappointing God. Secondly this relationship with the gal that had the addiction to porn really ruined my appetite for it all together. Yet I still had this really big box of porn in my garage buried in a corner.

Why was I not able to just throw this crap away? I had many reasons to justify holding onto the box. For one thing it had monetary value. I considered selling it and donating the money to the church or a charity. Of course I knew that God would not want that tainted money. I even justified this box as sentimental and part of my past and it would be a great reminder of where God had brought me through redemption.

As you see like everyone else I am able to justify my sin too.

About a week ago or so I was chatting with a young lady from the Seattle area on the computer. We shared a common love for Jesus and started messaging about our past sins and struggles. She confided in me that porn was a sin that had a grip on her at one point. During this exchange of messages I mentioned to her that I had this box buried in my garage and I had thought many times about throwing it out but couldn't bring myself to just do it.

She challenged me to go find the box and look at it and pray over it. She told me she would pray for me to overcome whatever it was that was preventing me from cleaning out my garage.

I was not able to even go look at that box. A matter of fact I quickly got myself distracted and allowed myself to block it out completely.

Tuesday morning I woke up and saw that this lady had sent me an email and asked if I had overcome my box? What incredible timing I thought. It was garbage day.

The crazy thing is you can set your clock to my garbage truck coming at 7:30 every Tuesday morning. Yet I read this message at 8:00 and the truck hadn't come yet. Now my excuse was I can't do this when my daughter is home as she will be asking all kinds of questions about what am I throwing away. At 8:30 I took Alexandria to school and I came home and that truck had still not shown up yet.

I go into the garage and dig out the box and make a quick sweep through the house and make sure all the porn is in the trash can. I DID IT!!!! I was victorious at getting this box of porn out of my house. Within ten minutes of throwing that box in the trash the truck was here.

The only time in nine years that truck was late and it was this Tuesday. God continues to work miracles in my life on a regular basis.

 I immediately went upstairs and prayed thanks to God for having this lady email me and pray for me. I thanked the Lord for finally giving me the strength to eliminate the enemy from my house once and for all. I then emailed my friend a thank you.

So here is what I have learned from this. Even though I have given my heart to Jesus, the Devil still can fool me and convince me of many reasons to be disobedient to God. That box of porn was Satan's way of always remaining in my home and was the distraction I needed every time God commanded me to throw it away. That box was an example of me not following the first and most important commandment of loving God with all my heart, mind and soul.

Even though the Bible doesn't specifically talk about porn there are several passages that do address this sin I believe.

Mathew 5:28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

1 Corinthians 6:18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.

Colossians 3:5 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.

James 4:7-8 ⁷ Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. ⁸ Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

Finally the last two verses I want to share is the one that this new friend reminded me of by her actions and prayers and what Jesus reminded me of by putting her in my life at the perfect moment to help me.

Proverbs 27:17 As iron sharpens iron,
   so one person sharpens another

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted,he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it

Dear Father,
I thank you and praise you for your faithfulness and you never giving up on my broken sinful soul. You are so loving and I am not deserving of your grace yet you continue to reach out to me through your servants everyday. Thank Jesus for killing the death that I deserve. Thank you for giving me eternal life with your Father in Heaven. I am so thankful of your love and grace that I am in complete awe of everything about you Lord. In Jesus name I pray, AMEN

Saturday October 1, 2011

Most believers will agree that no sin is better or worse than another. What I mean is we believe in God's eyes that to lie is as sinful and hurtful to God as murder or adultery. The Bible is very clear that we all fall short. Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

Then why do we attempt to judge other people's sin worse than our own? When we do this we are losing sight of the first two commandments. When the Lawyer asked Jesus in Mathew 22:34-40 ³⁴ Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. ³⁵ One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶ “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  ³⁷ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸ This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

I believe if we keep these two commandments all the others will fall into place. If we love God with everything we have then we will not be committing these other sins. If we love God with our all then we will automtically love our neighbor as we love ourself as that is God's moral law to us, His creation. When we love God and our neighbors as we are told here then we will be incapable of breaking any commandment and sinning. Yet we are incapable of doing this as the blood of Adam flows through each of us and therefore we sin.

 We as Christians fall short day in and day out. We judge others unfairly all the time. We tend to judge homosexuals very harshly yet we are told throughout the Bible that there is only one perfect and fair judge. Luke:37-38 ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

 Mathew 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

You see when we get into topics such as homosexuality or abortions we all agree if we believe the Bible to be the inspired Word of God by His Holy Spirit that these acts are definitly sin. Yet we are also told to love our neighbor as we love ourself. No place does it say to only love our straight neighbors or people that are pro-life. We are told by the Lord to love God with all of our soul and then to love our neighbor. We are told not to ever judge another person as only God can do that perfectly and fairly yet we tend to go against the Word anyways.

I tell you the Truth my brothers and sisters in Christ, if we don't stop tryng to justify our sins as righteous and worry about our own selves we too will be judged fairly and it will not be anything to look forward to. My point is that God loves us all no matter our sexuality. No matter if we have killed a baby through abortion. He loves those of us that have committed adultery and destroyed our lives with drugs and lust. He hates all sin but through the blood of Jesus has washed away our sins and offered us to have life with Him in the Kingdom of Heaven.

I praise our awesome and loving Lord for this and I pray that I am able to stop judging others for their sins and that I can work on my life and rid my life of the sins I struggle with daily. When I am able to accomplish these goals I will be honoring my Lord God with everything I have. I will then be able to love my neighbor in a way that will also show love to Christ as well. This will never be an easy task but yet it will be a task worth accomplishing with rewards far more greater than any of us can ever imagine.

Sunday September 25, 2011

As a single man that has used the world of online dating as a place of hope and desire to find an eventual wife I am starting to rethink my entire thought process.

I have been on several dating sites and they are all the same. I have made some good friends as a result but really have found more opportunities to sin than anything else. It doesn't matter if it's been Christian dating sites or secular dating sites. Everyone on there is looking for companionship. It's just that we all have different opinions of what that should be.

I am not going to go into today all the pros and cons of online dating but really the importance of faith and the most important relationship of all. The relationship that we have with God.

Here recently I put on one of the secular dating sites that I am basically only looking for friends to discuss the glory and grace of Christ. I also said that if anyone was in need of prayer that all they needed to do was email me their name and a little background on the situation and I would promise to lift them in prayer.

I received the same prayer request over and over. The same prayer request that I have also received from some of my single friends in the last year. To pray for God to bring the person into their life that He desires them to build a life with and to extinguish their loneliness. I always have done as asked and lifted them in prayer.

This really started to make me think though. What exactly are these people looking for? Why is there a void in their hearts and lives (just as in my own)? Why is God taking His own sweet time to answer these prayers?

As a believer I believe that God answers every prayer in one of three ways. Yes, no or not yet! Why would a relational God be answering so many prayers with not yet?

Well I believe through prayer that the Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart and mind. I now have some answers to this question.

I know God desires us all to be happy and in healthy relationships. I also believe that God desires us to make our relationship with Him our first priority. Why would He brings us the distraction of a partner when Christ is so badly desiring us to have a daily and faithful relationship with Him. I believe that is where God is answering these prayers of myself and my Christian friends with not yet. I believe when we live for Christ and are in relation with Christ in everything we do that He will then bring us to that perfect mate that He created just for us. I believe the reason that He is waiting is so that when He does bring that person into our life that we both will be able to build up His Kingdom through our obedience and relationship with Jesus.

So the lessons here that we must learn are lessons of obedience, faithfulness, trust and patience and then and only then will God answer those prayers of loneliness with Yes, here he/she is to live your life for Me as my faithful and loving children.

Dear Lord,
I pray for this lesson you have put into my heart today to be your Holy Will for me. I pray that you will give me the strength daily to be patient and obedient to you so that I may grow in relation with you Lord Father. I pray that when I am capable of submitting all of my desires to you God that then you will be faithful and deliver the woman that is to be my wife. She will be hand picked by you Father to serve you with me Lord. She will be the lady that I will honor you with by me being loving and faithful to her and I will love her as Jesus has loved us, His Body the church. I thank you Lord for allowing me this opportunity to speak and minister these lessons for you and your Glory. I thank you Jesus for Love and Grace that you have afforded me a new day and eternal and everlasting life through your Blood. I pray that these thoughts and prayers are easily converted by you into my daily life. I thank you God for your desire of a relationship with me. I love you Lord Jesus. In Christ I pray. Amen

Friday September 23, 2011

I am having great difficulty turning the reigns of my life over to God completely. It seems like it would be so easy to do. After all God is everything good, great, beautiful, loving and perfect. God only wants the absolute best for us as He loves us so much. Then why do I still want to be the one that guides the ship of my life?

The facts are that when I lived my life my way I was a complete mess. I was full of greed, anger, lust, perversion and was a great advocate for Satan. Yet through my relationship with Christ I have found faith, love, peace and hope. This should be a no brainer. I should be asking God to steer my life at every turn. So then why when I have witnessed how wonderful life is when I submit to Christ, am I still struggling with control?

I would say the majority of the time I am having God take the lead. It's just when things are not moving fast enough in the direction I desire that I take the reigns back. What I do know is when I do this it never turns out in a way that is good or pleasing to my Father.

Life is actually going great for me and I need to focus on the blessings more and my desires less. I need to allow myself to submit fully to Christ at every turn and be obedient full time. He will guide me where I am suppose to be and I know it will be my predestined fate and no matter the outcome, God will deliver me to victory. Yet, why in the world is this such a tough lesson to learn?

I truly don't know the answers but I do trust through faith that Jesus knows. I do know that He has given me a very simple task in the season I am in right now. My only assignment right now from God is to walk the walk with Him, submit all and be obedient in everything I do.

Please pray for me to conquer this difficult lesson I am trying to overcome. Please pray for me to always submit to the will of God and to let Him steer my life. Please pray for me to be the obedient child of the King that I am suppose to be. Please pray for me to walk with Christ in every step I take.

Thank you my friends. Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ. As always if you have specific prayer needs you can email me anytime and tell me what it is you need covered in prayer and I promise to lift you to Papa in prayer too. My email is stevesleasman@yahoo.com

Saturday September 17, 2011

This week has been an emotional roller coaster. It all goes back to a little over a year ago when I met an amazing lady and fell crazy and deeply in love with her. We jumped in way too fast and way too heavy and then as quickly as it started due to things I had no control over she ended it. I was absolutely devastated. As if that wasn't enough I was in the process of leaving my church family and making my own way in my walk with Christ.

It's been a very interesting journey that God has brought me through this past year. With lots of opportunities for growth and maturity in such a short period of time.

A week ago or so I decided to reach out to this woman and say hello and let her know I had no hard feelings for the way things had ended. I even had taken much of the responsibility for our sinful relationship and my part in the eventual demise. She was very thankful for the message and told me that she has thought of me often too. I sent another message to her and asked her to read this blog as I wanted her to see what the Lord has done to my heart in this past year. She logged on and read my writings and then called me out of the blue. That phone call I was not ready for.

She told me that she was involved in a relationship with a man. She also told me she still loved me and was very torn how she could still love me after almost a year of no contact at all. I told her that I didn't want to get in the way of her current relationship and all I really wanted was to be friends. I even told her I would pray for that relationship she was in.

I tried to pray for God's blessing on that relationship and for Him to allow a friendship with us to be restored. It was impossible for me to pray for that relationship however. I learned quickly that I still had feelings as well. Oh how the pain hit me all over again like a ton of bricks. How could this be? I already had healed a broken heart from this woman a long time ago. I mourned for several months after she left me. How could this be happening again? So I prayed just for her and her kids as I knew I couldn't pray for a relationship I was jealous of. After all God knows my real heart and my real feelings.

Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I prayed for myself. This is something I don't do often enough. I pray for my kids, family, friends, church leaders, government, military, teachers, co-workers, customers and even enemies but rarely do I pray for myself. I always feel guilty to pray for myself when I live such a blessed life compared to so many others around the world.

So there I was praying for God to lift this pain in my heart and to heal my heart once and for all of the desire to be with this woman. Within two hours I was feeling the comfort of my Lord. I was relieved and able to pray for this woman and her relationship that she is in. I was able to pray that she will find the happiness and love she is looking for in that relationship and that all love she still has for me to be directed to the man she is now with. What a relief to receive that kind of peace and comfort from God.

I know now that I must remember to include myself and my needs and desires as part of my prayer life. I know that God wants to hear those prayers too. I also was reminded of no matter how tough the heartache in our lives are that when we lay it at the foot of the Cross, He will comfort us each and every time.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me

2 Corinthians 1:3-7
³ Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵ For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶ If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷ And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

Sunday September 11, 2011

It is hard to believe that it's already been 10 years since the the day that will always be known as 9/11. I remember waking up that Tuesday morning and listening to the very first report. The news reporter said they had reports of a plane that had just hit the World Trade Center and they were trying to get footage. My first thought was somebody in a Cessna or something was committing suicide and going to take out a few innocent victims in the process. As I continued to watch the news with my coffee I realized the horror of what was happening when I saw the second plane hit the other tower.

We were under attack. War against America had been waged on our home turf for the first time since Pearl Harbor. Our lives as Americans had been changed forever.

Many innocent people perished that horrific day. Many families would never again see on earth their loved ones again.

Then we saw something I had not witnessed in my life. Americans were becoming friendly to all of their neighbors. Racism was killed for a short time in America as a result of 9/11. The only thing that mattered during that period of history was you were American. Police officers, firefighters and members of the military were being thanked for the difficult and dangerous jobs they dedicated their lives for. Americans were finally pulling their heads out of the sand and living in a way that was pleasing to Christ.

People that had never been in a church were now attending services to pray. People that had not been to church in years for what ever reason were heading to a church service. People that had never believed in God were now really questioning His existence. Oh how God must have been pleased by how we sinful Americans were rallying together and building each other, fellow Americans up.

My favorite memory of my own Dad came three or four days after that tragic day. We were at the first Mariners game after the season had resumed. Before the National Anthem was sung, we as Americans all stood and sang God Bless America. My Dad put his arm around me as we stood there singing together with tears rolling down our cheeks. (this was the 1st time since my Grandma's funeral that I saw my Dad cry, the 2nd time in my life) There was not a dry eye at Safeco Field that night.

We later discovered that this scene played out at every baseball stadium in America that evening.

How pleased God must have been that as a nation we were finally recognizing his Holiness. In a country that was built up as  "One Nation Under God" we had been failing God terribly. We had become so politically correct that we ignored the commands given by God. We had become a nation that not just accepted homosexuality but put it on a pedestal. We had become a nation where not only made it legal for women to kill babies in abortion clinics but we paid for many of those abortions with tax dollars. "One Nation Under God" we were not anymore.

So when 9/11 happened I am fairly certain of a couple things. God was hurt by those terror acts against His people. His lambs that He created that were slaughtered that day. I am also certain He was proud that we became, even for a short time, "One Nation Under God."

God had to have loved hearing all those voices across this country singing God Bless America in ballparks, churches and homes. He had to hate what it took to bring that loving side of Americans to the surface.

This Thursday night at church we studied the book of Joel. Joel was a prophet that told of the great famine that was coming as a result of Locust. It was God punishing the people for being disobedient. Joel prophesied about How God would forgive and return everything back to it's original state when the people finally repented.

I wonder today with the tenth anniversary of 9/11 and all the hurricanes, earthquakes, tornado's, tsunamis, fires and floods if some of these things are not God showing His righteous anger with us again. I am not saying that God is responsible for 9/11 happening as I believe it was the act of Satan but maybe it's time this world stops fighting and tearing down the Kingdom of God and start loving and living as God has taught us through His Holy Scriptures. I have a feeling if we don't repent soon it will get much worse until we do. What I mean is that if we don't become better people living to please God, Satan will continue to create terrorism and destroy innocent lives. As a result maybe God will use His Holy power as He did in the Old Testament to get our attention.

How about you? Will you be ready for your judgement if you get brought to God as a result of a tragedy? Or will you say Father thank you for bringing me Home from that sinful and broken world?

Heavenly Father I pray today for a country still feeling the pain 10 years after Satan attacked. I pray for comfort in your love. I pray for peace in your promise of eternal life. I pray for healing of families that have lost their beloved. I pray for safety for our first responders and military that risk their lives daily. I pray for this nation and this world that has turned it's back on you so many times and in so many ways. Forgive us Lord for our own wickedness. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Thursday September 8, 2011

About three and a half years ago I decided I wanted to find a church and start attending again. My wife and I could never find a church we could agree on so we stopped going all together before we were even married. So now after my failed marriage I wanted to go back and get reacquainted with Jesus. I look back and laugh as at this time I was living with a girlfriend and we were both still married to other people, yet we decided we needed to go to church.

I find it quite funny that as we were living adulterous lives, still married to other people and God saw a vulnerability in us that He could call us to His church and we actually were obedient enough to listen.

I was very methodical and mapped out a bunch of churches to check out near our house. We agreed we would go to the church closest to home and move outward each week until we found one we liked. The very first week we walked into a church three blocks (there's that number three again, it just always seems to come up) from the house and it was wonderful. People were so genuinely happy to meet us and welcome us to their house of worship. We were a little shocked at how awesome these people were. We then went into the Sanctuary and sat down to wait for the second service to begin and here comes the Pastor. He sat in the pew in front of us so he could turn and welcome us and visit. Once again he was extremely friendly and genuinely happy we had picked his church to stop in this Sunday morning.

We listened to the sermon that morning and both felt like it had been written specifically for each of us. The only thing we were not a fan of was the music. The second service was their traditional service with hymns. The contemporary service that played praise music was earlier in the morning. We decided that afternoon we would come back the following week to the contemporary service before seeking any other churches. The rest as they say is history.

We became every week attendees of the church. We even got my girlfriends parents to start joining us. Every week we met more people and got a little more involved. A couple months in and we were asked to attend the new members class and to consider becoming members of the church. The week after we became members I was baptised. Three weeks after that I came home to a Dear Steve letter and an empty house.

I continued to attend that church as my girlfriend left the state. I still sat with her parents and continued to be very active in the church. Then sometime during my second year there, I started to become disgruntled with certain ways some things were being handled in the church.

 Unfortunately most of my frustrations were at one individual employee of the church. I had taken up these gripes I had with the Pastor. He listened and was very empathetic and even agreed with most of my concerns but still had an obligation to stand behind his employee. This all finally came to a head in the Fall of 2010. I discovered the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.

When I took this to the Pastor I was very disappointed at our differing of opinions toward the severity of my discovery. He understood my concern but told me I needed to take it up the chain of command if I felt convicted enough to press on with this issue. I prayed about it and was very clear that this was something that God wanted me to battle.

The next stop would have been to present this situation to the committee that is responsible for the employee and his program. I chose not to do this as that committee was co-chaired by two people that I was confident would be in total disagreement of the situation. As a result of that opinion I wrote a letter to the Session (Elders) addressing my disappointment that I had at the activities that were witnessed in the church earlier in the week.  Now I wrote this letter on Thursday and rewrote it and prayed over and edited over and over again until Saturday. Finally Saturday night after not needing to make any changes for about 7 hours I decided to send this letter out via email.

Sunday morning about half the Elders approached me as well as thanked me and assured me there would be some changes. The other Elders steered clear of me all morning. Later that week I met with the Pastor and he told me there had been an emergency meeting of Session called and they were working on an action plan that would prevent anymore such problems from happening. Then he proceeded to tell me how disappointed he and Session was for the way I handled it. They were not happy I would email it out on a Saturday night when he and the other person I was upset about were preparing to lead the church in worship on Sunday morning. I explained that I didn't think God really cared about their calenders as much as He cared about this problem being resolved in His House.

I left church that afternoon feeling good that changes were being made but sad that I was admonished for the way I handled it. I was really torn now as I loved this church. I loved the church family. I loved the Pastor and his loving wife. I loved that this was the House I devoted my life publicly through baptism to Jesus Christ. I decided that even though it might be a little uncomfortable for a few weeks until things calmed down I was going to stay.

Then the following Tuesday afternoon I received a letter from the Pastor and chair of the personnel committee. Basically the letter was very similar to the conversation I had already had with my Pastor. I was thanked but admonished. I began to cry uncontrollably as I read that letter. I cried out to Jesus and asked why he was letting me be admonished when I was doing the right thing for His Body. Later that night I was studying my Bible and the book was Mathew chapter 5. When I got to Mathew 5:10 ¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

I was calmed and I knew that I must move onto a new church.

When I left I was angry, bitter and most of all hurt. This was a church I had put my heart and soul into. I served every opportunity I could. I loved most everything about this church.

Time does heal all wounds. With time maturity and growth will come to. It's funny how I focused on that specific verse in Mathew 5. Later down the road I read Mathew 5 again. Then I really noticed the verse right before it. Mathew 5:9 ⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

I did not win my point at this church in a peaceful way that would build the Kingdom. I did stir things up to get the result I was wanting. Oh, how great hindsight is! I was to blinded by my own agenda of righteousness that I missed the entire lesson God was attempting to teach me here.

Or did I? That letter that broke my heart was what I needed to leave the nest if you will. I look at my time in that first church as growing up in my parents house. To really get out in the world and grow in Christ I needed to cut those apron strings. Ahh, how GREAT God is.

A while back I went back to that old church for a Memorial of a man I admired greatly. I was welcomed back as a returning son by my family that truly loved and missed me.

For some time I had been wanting to sit with the Pastor and apologize to him about my anger I had when I left. I also wanted to thank him for nurturing my walk with Christ while I was there and preparing my heart for the desire of a closer and more intimate relationship with Christ.

After sitting down probably fifty times to write an email asking him to meet me for coffee I finally was able to get that courage a couple weeks ago. Today was the day that we met. We had a great visit. The coffee was good but the conversation was stellar. We were both able to discuss our frustrations of how things transpired but most of all we were able to rekindle a friendship that had been hurt. We discussed in detail where God is calling me to be and what does that mean today and then long term. What are some of the short term goals I need to reach so I may reach the long term goal of what Jesus is calling me to do or more importantly whom to be. I am so blessed by this man of Christ that I not only love but admire. I will always have a big place in my heart for this man as he is the man that baptised me in the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.

Tuesday September 6, 2011

As a man I am wired with the desire to be a problem solver. If someone tells me their problem I want to make it all better by offering them the solution so they can live "happily ever after". Sometimes I'm even pretty decent at offering good advice as maybe it's a situation I have lived through and already conquered. There is something very rewarding about being helpful to a friend that ask us for our opinion.

Now lets look at another scenario. How about when someone is venting a problem or situation and all they want us to do is listen. They don't ask us for any advice but just for a shoulder to cry on. This is very common with women. I have discovered that a lot of times they just want us to listen and not offer any advice or opinion but just be compassionate to their situation that has caused anguish or turmoil in their life that day. Then my macho man brain gets a little bent out of shape as I have a solution for her but she is going to be mad if I tell her as I am only a shoulder to cry on. Then I stop listening to her and thinking how unfair she is to tell me her problems and not even allow me the opportunity to solve the situation. How unfair and rude of her right. (that is when I am hearing the voice of the enemy and not God)

Not at all, how non Christian and rude of me to stop listening and to go against God's Word. 1 Peter 3:8  Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.

Where at in that verse does it tell me to solve the problem when no solution has been asked for? Yet it's very clear on how to listen.

The next scenario and the toughest one for many Christians (especially me) is to listen without judging. We see someone living in a way that we believe is non Christian or biblical and we are all over them, kind and compassionately though right. Ahhh, NO!

This is what I call offering unwarranted advice. This is totally different than a friend asking for your opinion. This is even different than your spouse or significant other venting to you about a challenge at work. This is where we decide we want to be Dr. Fixit.

"Well if you would just talk to your kids this way they might respond differently and...."

"If you start living a personal relationship with Christ then He will get you through this...."

"You should've really sought my advice before you did that because I know this guy that...."

These are all examples of where instead of being a friend or a Brother/Sister in Christ we are tearing down the people we care about. Where is the compassion and friendship when we offer unwarranted advice. Some of the wisest Christian men I know will ask me after I tell them something that's been on my mind that is eating at me  they will say, "are you asking for my opinion and or advice?" They are wise enough to make sure what is it that I am trying to accomplish by opening up and sharing with them my challenges and frustrations.

When and only when we are certain that they are asking for our opinion and advice we must remember what is said in Paul's letter to the people of Ephesus; Ephesians 4:29  Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

So one of my prayers daily lately has been to have the wisdom, strength and courage to not offer unwarranted advice. I also pray that when I do offer advice that has been asked for I do it in a way that only builds up the Kingdom and brings all glory to God with whom deserves it as I am just a broken and sinful man that has been given everything by The Lord.

I ask you my Brothers and Sisters to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my life, heart and voice in a way that will always be pleasing to Him.

Sunday September 4, 2011

I have come to wonder just how many of my Christian friends have a strong and dedicated prayer life. This came to my mind as yesterday I had coffee with a dear friend whom has recently returned home to his family after a year deployment in Afghanistan. I was quite shocked when in our conversation I discovered that his family, whom I consider faithful lovers of Christ, don't pray as a family.

I challenged my friend to step up his game if you will, to be the Spiritual Leader of His family as God desires him to be. I asked him to start by leading the family in saying a blessing at meal time. I asked him to start praying together with his wife as I believe that is what God is calling a Husband to do when he is responsible for being the family leader. I think Paul really made it very clear in Ephesians on how a husband and wife should act.

Ephesians 5: ²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. ²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
 ²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

It states right there in verse 23 that the husband is the head of the house. It also goes onto say that the husband must lead the wife and family in Love as Christ Loves the church. How does a husband do that? I believe the foundation of that is in a strong prayer life. Teaching the children by his example to always say thanks to God. I also believe to have a strong marriage centered around Christ that the husband must pray with his wife and give thanks to God for her love and all that she means to him in their family.

I know if I had stepped up and been a man of Christ during my marriage and been the spiritual leader of my family I would have had a different outcome. Instead I chose to tear down the kingdom of God and do the work of the Devil. It should be no surprise to anyone that our marriage was going to get worse and continue to deteriorate until we couldn't stomach the sight of each other. That is what happens when you choose a lifestyle that promotes Satan and ignores the pleas of God.

Now be careful to pray from the heart. This is also very clear in the scriptures. Don't pray to impress others as He knows your true heart and thoughts as clearly as the words you pray. Read the Word of Jesus.

Mathew 6:5-7
 ⁵ “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. ⁶ But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
 ⁷ “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again.

Now this on the surface can sound confusing as Jesus told the Disciples to go pray in private yet Jesus himself led them in prayer many times. He went onto teach us how to pray. I believe when a husband prays with his wife and lifts her up to The Lord in prayer giving thanks to God for the wonderful blessing his wife is, that not only pleases God but also builds up the esteem of his wife. The end result is going to be a wife that knows how appreciated she is and knows this as she hears words from the heart of her husband when he thanks God Almighty for the blessing of his wife and family.

Dear Lord,
I thank you for this lesson you have once again reminded me of. I thank you for the opportunity to share your Love with my friend about how important strong communication with you is. I thank you for life, love, grace, friendship, loyalty and always listening to our prayers to you Lord Jesus. I pray that I can be an example to my Friends, family and strangers of your Love and Goodness by living the Word that you taught us through your Son and our Savior. Thank you God for your Righteousness. In Jesus name I pray. Amen

Friday September 2, 2011

This evening I was chatting online with a Sister in Christ and she was asking about the church I now call home. I sent her the link, http://www.realityolympia.com/ so she could check it out as I was really being lazy but I also wanted her to hear some of the great teaching that Pastor Paul does in his sermons while breaking down the scriptures.

She opened the link and went to the first link that ask, "What do Missional Communities Do?" When she was reading that she came across the answer, "The aim of missional community is to live out the practices of the reign of God.  Jesus spent his whole ministry announcing the arrival of the reign of God. Now, what would happen if we believed his announcement?"

Very clear and concise right? Well I guess not as she asked me, "I don't understand what is explained by "missional church". What do they mean by "live out the reign of God"?

Now something I can answer without using my copy and paste tools. Here is my answer to what I believe our church and our elders are wanting our focus on Christ to be about (I also must add that I believe this is their focus as I believe this is what Jesus taught us to do through His Gospel). What it all means to me is that we want to bring the love of Christ to our community through our actions in the community. We get together in small groups and look for people or organizations that could use help and offer a hand. We do this in many different ways and we also do help support mission work worldwide through contributions and prayers. We believe God wants us to be a living example to our neighbors and community by helping out, living the walk and not just talking about what a Christian should look like but by living like a Christian should live. When we do this God will open the doors for us to have conversations about Christ without being overbearing and in your face about it. We will earn trust and friendship first and then we will wait for that door to be opened and then share the great news of the Gospel.

We have all gone to a sporting event or concert where there were people waving signs anywhere from "Jesus Saves Lives" to " Repent Now or Burn in Hell Forever". I don't personally believe these actions ever build up the Body of Christ but tear it apart. There is an old adage that you get more flies with honey than vinegar and I think that applies here as well.

 I truly believe when we handle a stressful situation with compassion, understanding and patience that our peers will ask us how or why did we not freak out? The answer should always be something like, "God will never give me more than I can handle" or "How would Jesus have responded if He was here in my shoes"? This will make these people realize that with Christ all is possible. Of course for this to be an effective way to evangelize you MUST believe that God will truly handle the burden for you and you must let go of it and let Him have control.

The last order given by Jesus was to go out and make Disciples of every nation and every tongue. To bring the Gospel to all ends of the earth. I feel that by being a missional church in community we will achieve His goals one person at a time....at least these are my opinions of what it all means. I want to once again state this is not the written mission statement of the church I attend but this is a huge part of what we do as I see it.

I am very blessed to be part of a young and growing church where there are so many young people that are anxious to learn about Christ and wanting to pull up their sleeves and get down and dirty to serve God. At age 41 I am an old timer at Reality and that is a good thing. These young Christians will be able to bring their young friends to Christ much easier than a person a generation older will. I will make myself available to any of these children of God at anytime to listen to and pray with. I will pray for wisdom to only offer advice where it is asked for and to have enough knowledge to answer correctly for the Kingdom of God.

I am blessed to be part of a church with a Pastor that is so humble and full of mature wisdom that he always introduces himself as Hi I'm Paul one of the Elders here at Reality. Paul has a way of breaking down the scripture to where everyone there, if it be a first time visitor to a church or someone that has been churched their entire life will understand the Word of God. Yes I am blessed to be part of such a great missional minded community as Reality Olympia.

Dear Lord, I pray for all your servants and children at Reality Olympia. That we remain humbled by your Grace and that we work to bring lost sheep home to your flock. I pray that as we grow in family that we never lose sight of our roots in you Lord Jesus. I pray that we never give up on any of your sheep no matter how crippled by the enemy they have become. I thank you for the opportunity you have given us to fellowship in community in a way that we can be fulfilling your last and final command here on earth. Oh Lord how wonderful and awesome is your Love and how thankful we are for your Son Jesus that He killed death itself for our sinful hearts. I ask that your Spirit be with us and in our hearts as we attempt to be a living example and a beacon of light that represents your Love oh Father. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Thursday Septemeber 1, 2011

Something I have struggled with since I was a boy is a great appreciation for the opposite sex. I find women very attractive, pretty, beautiful, sexy and just plain desirable . I believe God made them this way purposely. If He hadn't we would not still be here as we must keep repopulating or the human race would end. None of my attraction to women as I described is even a sin.

The challenge is I have looked at women with a great lust in my eyes since I was a boy. I remember as a little boy taking showers with the high school aged babysitters. I loved the female body ever since. Even before I knew what sex was, I already desired the naked female body. I am not writing this to share with the world how twisted and perverted I have been but at how the enemy will start working on us at a very young age and how that foundation the Devil lays can hurt and destroy many people but worst of all it can tear down the Kingdom of God.

This young lust grew as I grew older. I began experimenting with a female friend in the 5th grade. This led to a life long quest for sexual relations. I began working in a resort at age 16 and discovered through deception I could sleep with grown women and I took advantage of that time and time again. As I grew into my early twenties it became even easier to get what I wanted out of women. By this time in my life women were merely a conquest. It got so bad around the age of 21 I only wanted to sleep with married women. I had lots of excuses for this but it came down to only 2 reasons in my mind. Married women were more of a challenge. The 2nd reason was that they were already in an emotional relationship and so I could have as many as I could handle at a time and they couldn't get jealous (or at least they shouldn't).

Now in defense of my own wickedness I will say that at this point in my life I had no relationship with Christ. I really didn't even believe in Jesus during this time. Now looking back I see why that is. Satan had blinded my heart from Christ with a sexual perversion towards women. An unhealthy lust for companionship, a shallow and hollow desire for companionship, a sick and perverse expectation of companionship.

Then in my late 20's as a result of a relationship that was doomed for failure. My girlfriend at the time, a lady I had lusted after for several years and finally I wore her down. She convinced me to join her at church one Sunday. A long story short it was through this sinful and broken relationship that finally led me to admit that there was a God. How great I felt, I now believe in God so I am saved. I believe in God, therefore I'm a Christian.

Well guess what. Me believing that God was real made me a Christian like sleeping in the garage makes me a car. I didn't do things that would honor God. I didn't do things that would bring honor to myself or the countless women I was still sleeping with. I continued to live a sin filled life in the fast lane.

On Christmas Eve 1999 I prayed to God at church that I was tired of living a shallow life of one bed to another. I prayed that I was ready to settle down and have a family. I prayed that I was ready to be the man He desired me to be. Three days later I met my soon to be wife. I knew within minutes I was going to marry Barbara. Five months later we were married and 5 months after our wedding we had my wonderful daughter. I already had Danny (11) and Melissa (9) as my step kids when Alexandria was born. I already broke my promise to God about these kids as I was already emotionally abusive to not only the kids but my wife.

By the time we celebrated our 2nd anniversary I had been unfaithful to my wife. Not once but several times.

So lets recap. I grow up with no knowledge or admittance that God existed. I was living a life that was destroying the hearts and souls of many women and being rewarded by Satan with more women, money and toys. I then was finally convinced that God existed, followed with me asking God to change my life and give me a family. God answered that prayer in 3 days, YES 3 DAYS!!! How did I pay God for that gift of a family? I was mentally and emotionally abusive to my wife and kids and started committing adultery too. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

I'm sure it's no big surprise that my marriage ended in divorce. The amazing and sad thing is my wife whom loved and trusted me was still willing to work on saving our marriage and I was finally the one that left. I carried that guilt and shame around for a very long time.

About a year and a half after I left my wife I was in a pretty serious relationship with a woman that I adored. We started attending church together. We decided to join the church together even though we were both legally still married to our spouses yet we lived together. A week later I was baptized along with my beautiful daughter Alexandria. That was the day I truly gave my life to Christ, Sunday June 8, 2008. I took that commitment to Jesus that day in front of my church family very seriously. Three weeks later while away on a business trip my girlfriend moved out and broke my heart as I had so many before her. I was devastated! How could God allow this to happen? I was finally in love and had just devoted my heart to Jesus and He allowed her to leave me. You bet He did, because He loved me so much.

The past three years have been a roller coaster of a journey where through Christ so many positive changes have happened in my life. I now knew what real love felt like to receive. I have a peace in my heart that I never got from living for the enemy. I finally got a grip on my temper. I still had one major hang up. I couldn't quit the women though. I slowed way down, probably cutting it down to 15-20 women a year for the last 3 years. After all I was calling myself a Christian and I needed to stop being a man whore.

Then about a year ago God really started to convict me of my actions. I found a new no nonsense Bible based church with a young Pastor that told me, "what are you telling me that God can raise Jesus from the dead after 3 days and you can't abstain from sex until you are married again?" Wow, that really put it all in perspective for me. Since that conversation I have grown even more. That was ten months ago. I have only messed around with about 6-8 women since then and felt more strongly convicted each and every time.

The last few months God has been calling me to some sort of Ministry and I am still unsure what or why. My excuse was, I can't answer this call as I can't behave myself. I WILL NOT be a hypocrite. Well I have been a hypocrite every since I was baptized and yet God continued to forgive me each and every time I slipped up.

I told my Pastor what I was going through and why I could not commit what God was asking and then after prayer it all came to me. The only way for me to remain celibate was to answer the calling God is making of me. I will not make that commitment and fall down again. I will not be a hypocritical Christian no longer, at least not in the sins of the flesh. I will not fool around in anyway until I am once again married and in a marriage that puts Christ first and at the center of our lives. This I have promised to my Lord and I will not fail him again in this aspect. I can not and will not let Him down.

Please pray for me. Pray that God gives me the strength to honor His command and law. Pray that the Devil stops chasing after me every night when I close my eyes. Pray that I will be able to bring other men with these same struggles of the flesh to our loving and forgiving Lord so they too may be honored to humbly serve God in a way that is pleasing to Him. Pray that I stop lusting for women and can learn to treat them with the dignity and respect as God wishes. Please pray for me in all these things in the name of Jesus Christ.

Job 31:1-12
¹ “I made a covenant with my eyes
      not to look with lust at a young woman.
 ² For what has God above chosen for us?
      What is our inheritance from the Almighty on high?
 ³ Isn’t it calamity for the wicked
      and misfortune for those who do evil?
 ⁴ Doesn’t he see everything I do
      and every step I take?
 ⁵ “Have I lied to anyone
      or deceived anyone?
 ⁶ Let God weigh me on the scales of justice,
      for he knows my integrity.
 ⁷ If I have strayed from his pathway,
      or if my heart has lusted for what my eyes have seen,
      or if I am guilty of any other sin,
 ⁸ then let someone else eat the crops I have planted.
      Let all that I have planted be uprooted.
 ⁹ “If my heart has been seduced by a woman,
      or if I have lusted for my neighbor’s wife,
 ¹⁰ then let my wife belong to^[a] another man;
      let other men sleep with her.
 ¹¹ For lust is a shameful sin,
      a crime that should be punished.
 ¹² It is a fire that burns all the way to hell.^[b]
      It would wipe out everything I own.

Monday August 29, 2011

About a week ago I found out my daughter Melissa is pregnant. I had many feelings and emotions about this situation immediately and unfortunately none of them were thoughts of joy. When my ex wife called to tell me I was shocked, angry, disappointed and judgemental. Even though Melissa is not my biological daughter and technically even my stepdaughter anymore as her Mother and I divorced, she will always be my Princess Melissa and I will always love her along with my son Danny as they are the siblings of Alexandria and therefore my kids.

I asked Barbara to not tell Alexandria until I had time to cover this matter in prayer and she graciously agreed. My dilemma went well beyond just telling Alexandria that she was going to be an Aunt but also how do I tell her so she knows that I don't condone what has happened and also so I don't condemn as well. At least this is at that time was what I really thought the hang up was.

The real challenge though came to surface a couple days later after praying. See when I was praying about this I was praying for Melissa and the baby. I was praying for Spiritual wisdom from my Father. I was praying for patience and strength for me. What I wasn't praying for was the Father of the baby Kyle.

You see Kyle and I have not seen eye to eye. Kyle is the man that introduced my daughter to an addiction to drugs. Kyle was the man I had thrown in jail for slamming Melissa into a garage door. Kyle was the man that had told me in anger how much my daughter hated me and how she only used me for her convenience. Kyle was the man that my daughter ran back to when I was forced to evict her from my home back in April due to more bad decisions that I had to shield Alexandria from. Kyle had become the wedge between my daughter and I. Kyle was the man that called me a FAKE Christian, oh how that one stung!

I have prayed for months for Melissa to get the courage to leave Kyle. I had prayed that she would be safe with Kyle. I had prayed that she would meet a man that would treat her the way I wanted her to be treated like the Princess I told her she was when I fell in love with her Mom.

I have realized in many ways that Kyle was right in one respect. I wouldn't say that he nailed it by calling me a FAKE Christian but I sure was a sin filled Christian with anger and resentment for this young man. My sin here allowed me to disappoint God as well. As It's very clear in the Bible about forgiveness.

1 Peter 3:9  Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.

Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

Luke 6:37 Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.

Do you see a pattern of my darkness here? I sure do and that was a hard pill to swallow. Here in the Word of God Himself are my directions for dealing with Kyle all along but out of my stupid pride and a sinful heart I judged and had a bitterness towards this man. Where was I acting in a way pleasing to my Lord? I was NOT but  I was acting in a way that tears down The Kingdom and empowers the enemy. I told my daughter about 10 months ago that she was only welcome in my house if she was alone without Kyle. What in the world was I thinking? Oh Lord forgive my sin and angry heart!

So now I have to figure out how to deal with this mess Melissa put our family into. That's what crossed my mind when I heard she was pregnant. What a fool I have been. What a poor Christian I have been. What a sinner I am.

Thank God for GRACE. Through His Grace I have been awaken to my errors. By Grace I am given another chance. Just like Kyle deserves another chance as well.

As I prayed this past week and asked my Brothers and Sisters in Christ to pray for me too it all came clear on how I was going to explain this to a 10 year old. We don't condone her sister getting pregnant before being married but we also don't condemn her, the baby or Kyle either.

I sat with Alexandria and her Mother, Barbara tonight and we explained to her that God may very well make her an Aunt. If He chooses to allow this pregnancy to end, even though it would be sad, it is in His control and out of all ours. (Melissa had a miscarriage when she was 16)  We explained that just like God is disappointed in the actions that led to this pregnancy, He is happy that another baby is being offered to Him to raise and love for His Kingdom as well as we are, the soon to be Grandparents. We can show our daughters that we love them unconditionally as God does even when they make life decisions we don't agree with. That's all great and would be a great place to add, "and they all lived happily ever after" but there is the Kyle factor once again.

I also explained that sometimes God allows bad things to happen to people because the final result will be good. That was our prayer tonight. We prayed as a family that this baby will not only be born healthy but be the kick start that Melissa and Kyle both need to become responsible adults. They are not teens, Kyle 24 and Melissa 21. We pray that God uses this new life to give them a new refreshed start as Jesus has given us. We prayed that this baby will open their hearts just enough that they will open their eyes to the Love God has for each of them. We pray that they will seek a close and personal relationship with our Living God as a result of this beautiful baby.

As I end my writing tonight I pray that God makes it possible for us to welcome Kyle into our family for the broken young man he is, as by the grace of God go I. I am going to have Kyle at the top of my prayer list now. I am going to be speaking with both of the kids hopefully sooner than later.

Dear Father, I pray for Kyle and Melissa to have a healthy baby. I pray that this life changing miracle of life will be the birth of not only a baby but a positive life changing experience God. I pray for sobriety for Kyle and Melissa, not just through the pregnancy but for their young lives can be lived in a way that will honor you Lord. I pray for responsibility and for calmness in their lives Lord. I give thanks to you Lord for showing me through Love, the errors of my own sinful heart towards Kyle a son that You created Lord. I pray for your blessings and peace on Kyle, Melissa and the baby Lord. I ask you to answer these prayers in the name of my Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen

Sunday August 28, 2011

Today I woke up exhausted as I had a bout of insomnia and cancelled the work on my house today. I got up and drank coffee and read a little bit. Then I got a hold of Joel Peach and invited him to lunch. We agreed to meet at about 12:30.

I wore my "I Killed Jesus & Jesus Saved Me" t-shirt. For those that have never seen this shirt it's a black T with large white letters that say "I Killed Jesus" then in smaller grey letters underneath it says, "& Jesus Save Me." When people are more than 20 feet away all they see is the large white letters. Many times this shirt will make people squirm until I get close enough that they can read the grey letters. At that time I see a calm come over them.

Today was no different. These two African American ladies were sitting across the Dining Room from us and they kept looking at me in disgust.  I pointed it out to Joel and I shared some other situations where this shirt has allowed me to have conversations about God with complete strangers. After they were finished eating they had to walk right past us and the Mom stopped and read the shirt and asked me, "what in the world does that mean? Why would you wear a shirt stating that you killed Jesus? I love Jesus." I explained very kindly that if I and her and every other person since God's Creation hadn't been sinners that God would've never had to send His Son to die for our sinful and broken ways. As a result we were all guilty of killing Jesus. At that moment I saw the light come on and she smiled and apologized for staring at me and then wanted to know where she could buy a shirt too for her husband.

That is the reason I have that shirt. To force people to think outside the box. To start conversations with complete strangers so we can have conversations about Jesus. So we can talk about His Grace and all His Glory. I am so humbled and pleased that I got to represent His Kingdom today and honor Him by discussing His greatness.

Now we fast forward to this evening and I talked Joel into going to worship tonight at Reality. I picked up Joel and we had a very nice visit on the drive over.  After  driving to church we grabbed some coffee and I noticed a man I never had seen before walk in. He grabbed coffee and headed for a couch in the back by himself. I walked over and introduced myself to David and found that he'd moved into the community from Portland a couple months ago and was in the process of finding a church to call home. He had been to the Thursday night service and this was his 3rd service today in as many churches.

David was a little shy at first and a little reluctant to answer personal questions about himself to a stranger but as I listened he began to open up a bit. I discovered that he loved to worship through music and has a musical gift that allows him to play many instruments. The service was about to start and so I asked if it would be OK to continue after worship and if at that time there was anything weighing on his heart that I could pray with him about. He smiled and said he would like to talk some more after the time of worship.

The sermon was the wrap up of the study on the Book of Jonah. As always Paul did a great job of getting to the real point God is trying to get to us in this story. Really made me think about how shallow I have been in my life and how much like Jonah I have been. Like when I was a kid and my Mom would tell me she bought me a gift and as soon as I found out it was new pants or shoes I threw a tantrum as it wasn't a toy. I wish I could say that type of selfish behavior stopped as a child but truthfully it still goes on. I make a commission and yet I get pissed as I didn't make a bonus with it even though I did everything right and it was out of my control but still I didn't get the bonus too, I get pissy and just throw a different type of tantrum now. So I can relate to how silly and selfish Jonah acted in chapter 4 and yet God still loves me as He loved Jonah and that my friends is called GRACE.

After taking communion and singing a few more songs I went to the back of the church and met with my  new Brother David. I introduced Pastor Paul and after they talked for a bit I got the chance to do something amazing for our Lord. I was able to listen to David with compassion and a caring and loving heart as that sermon really touched his heart tonight. He told me how he had been so harshly judging an atheist friend for so long and how that lesson tonight made him see how wrong he was.

I praise God for this. He was able to speak through Paul and using the book of Jonah to bring a man so much conviction he was able to confess this sin and then repent for it. I praise the Father for this. I sat there and listened and then the Spirit spoke words of wisdom and encouragement and love through me to David and we were able to lay it all at the feet of Christ tonight as I was honored to pray for this man. I saw a man that has been beating himself up secretly for a long time get a new start tonight. A refreshed start that David is going to take out in this community and share a smile and kind words to strangers for the Kingdom of Christ. For this I thank God and praise His unconditional Love that He has for every being He created.

I am so blessed that God is calling me by name to share His Love with the world one person at a time. I give thanks for this and I ask anyone reading this to give praise to God and to please lift up my new Brother in Christ David this week and to also please pray for me. Pray for me to continue to be obedient to my Father and loving to all of God's people. I ask that you pray for me to be strong and lead  from the sins of flesh this week. That you pray for me to hear God in my heart and soul and to remember, when I can't handle any of it, all I have to do is lay it at the cross and He will take over and relieve me of the troubles and worries I have. Thank you for your prayers and your friendship.

God bless you all and may God continue to not only Bless America but all the people in the world.