As a man I am wired with the desire to be a problem solver. If someone tells me their problem I want to make it all better by offering them the solution so they can live "happily ever after". Sometimes I'm even pretty decent at offering good advice as maybe it's a situation I have lived through and already conquered. There is something very rewarding about being helpful to a friend that ask us for our opinion.
Now lets look at another scenario. How about when someone is venting a problem or situation and all they want us to do is listen. They don't ask us for any advice but just for a shoulder to cry on. This is very common with women. I have discovered that a lot of times they just want us to listen and not offer any advice or opinion but just be compassionate to their situation that has caused anguish or turmoil in their life that day. Then my macho man brain gets a little bent out of shape as I have a solution for her but she is going to be mad if I tell her as I am only a shoulder to cry on. Then I stop listening to her and thinking how unfair she is to tell me her problems and not even allow me the opportunity to solve the situation. How unfair and rude of her right. (that is when I am hearing the voice of the enemy and not God)
Not at all, how non Christian and rude of me to stop listening and to go against God's Word. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
Where at in that verse does it tell me to solve the problem when no solution has been asked for? Yet it's very clear on how to listen.
The next scenario and the toughest one for many Christians (especially me) is to listen without judging. We see someone living in a way that we believe is non Christian or biblical and we are all over them, kind and compassionately though right. Ahhh, NO!
This is what I call offering unwarranted advice. This is totally different than a friend asking for your opinion. This is even different than your spouse or significant other venting to you about a challenge at work. This is where we decide we want to be Dr. Fixit.
"Well if you would just talk to your kids this way they might respond differently and...."
"If you start living a personal relationship with Christ then He will get you through this...."
"You should've really sought my advice before you did that because I know this guy that...."
These are all examples of where instead of being a friend or a Brother/Sister in Christ we are tearing down the people we care about. Where is the compassion and friendship when we offer unwarranted advice. Some of the wisest Christian men I know will ask me after I tell them something that's been on my mind that is eating at me they will say, "are you asking for my opinion and or advice?" They are wise enough to make sure what is it that I am trying to accomplish by opening up and sharing with them my challenges and frustrations.
When and only when we are certain that they are asking for our opinion and advice we must remember what is said in Paul's letter to the people of Ephesus; Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
So one of my prayers daily lately has been to have the wisdom, strength and courage to not offer unwarranted advice. I also pray that when I do offer advice that has been asked for I do it in a way that only builds up the Kingdom and brings all glory to God with whom deserves it as I am just a broken and sinful man that has been given everything by The Lord.
I ask you my Brothers and Sisters to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my life, heart and voice in a way that will always be pleasing to Him.
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