This week has been an emotional roller coaster. It all goes back to a little over a year ago when I met an amazing lady and fell crazy and deeply in love with her. We jumped in way too fast and way too heavy and then as quickly as it started due to things I had no control over she ended it. I was absolutely devastated. As if that wasn't enough I was in the process of leaving my church family and making my own way in my walk with Christ.
It's been a very interesting journey that God has brought me through this past year. With lots of opportunities for growth and maturity in such a short period of time.
A week ago or so I decided to reach out to this woman and say hello and let her know I had no hard feelings for the way things had ended. I even had taken much of the responsibility for our sinful relationship and my part in the eventual demise. She was very thankful for the message and told me that she has thought of me often too. I sent another message to her and asked her to read this blog as I wanted her to see what the Lord has done to my heart in this past year. She logged on and read my writings and then called me out of the blue. That phone call I was not ready for.
She told me that she was involved in a relationship with a man. She also told me she still loved me and was very torn how she could still love me after almost a year of no contact at all. I told her that I didn't want to get in the way of her current relationship and all I really wanted was to be friends. I even told her I would pray for that relationship she was in.
I tried to pray for God's blessing on that relationship and for Him to allow a friendship with us to be restored. It was impossible for me to pray for that relationship however. I learned quickly that I still had feelings as well. Oh how the pain hit me all over again like a ton of bricks. How could this be? I already had healed a broken heart from this woman a long time ago. I mourned for several months after she left me. How could this be happening again? So I prayed just for her and her kids as I knew I couldn't pray for a relationship I was jealous of. After all God knows my real heart and my real feelings.
Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I prayed for myself. This is something I don't do often enough. I pray for my kids, family, friends, church leaders, government, military, teachers, co-workers, customers and even enemies but rarely do I pray for myself. I always feel guilty to pray for myself when I live such a blessed life compared to so many others around the world.
So there I was praying for God to lift this pain in my heart and to heal my heart once and for all of the desire to be with this woman. Within two hours I was feeling the comfort of my Lord. I was relieved and able to pray for this woman and her relationship that she is in. I was able to pray that she will find the happiness and love she is looking for in that relationship and that all love she still has for me to be directed to the man she is now with. What a relief to receive that kind of peace and comfort from God.
I know now that I must remember to include myself and my needs and desires as part of my prayer life. I know that God wants to hear those prayers too. I also was reminded of no matter how tough the heartache in our lives are that when we lay it at the foot of the Cross, He will comfort us each and every time.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
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