About three and a half years ago I decided I wanted to find a church and start attending again. My wife and I could never find a church we could agree on so we stopped going all together before we were even married. So now after my failed marriage I wanted to go back and get reacquainted with Jesus. I look back and laugh as at this time I was living with a girlfriend and we were both still married to other people, yet we decided we needed to go to church.
I find it quite funny that as we were living adulterous lives, still married to other people and God saw a vulnerability in us that He could call us to His church and we actually were obedient enough to listen.
I was very methodical and mapped out a bunch of churches to check out near our house. We agreed we would go to the church closest to home and move outward each week until we found one we liked. The very first week we walked into a church three blocks (there's that number three again, it just always seems to come up) from the house and it was wonderful. People were so genuinely happy to meet us and welcome us to their house of worship. We were a little shocked at how awesome these people were. We then went into the Sanctuary and sat down to wait for the second service to begin and here comes the Pastor. He sat in the pew in front of us so he could turn and welcome us and visit. Once again he was extremely friendly and genuinely happy we had picked his church to stop in this Sunday morning.
We listened to the sermon that morning and both felt like it had been written specifically for each of us. The only thing we were not a fan of was the music. The second service was their traditional service with hymns. The contemporary service that played praise music was earlier in the morning. We decided that afternoon we would come back the following week to the contemporary service before seeking any other churches. The rest as they say is history.
We became every week attendees of the church. We even got my girlfriends parents to start joining us. Every week we met more people and got a little more involved. A couple months in and we were asked to attend the new members class and to consider becoming members of the church. The week after we became members I was baptised. Three weeks after that I came home to a Dear Steve letter and an empty house.
I continued to attend that church as my girlfriend left the state. I still sat with her parents and continued to be very active in the church. Then sometime during my second year there, I started to become disgruntled with certain ways some things were being handled in the church.
Unfortunately most of my frustrations were at one individual employee of the church. I had taken up these gripes I had with the Pastor. He listened and was very empathetic and even agreed with most of my concerns but still had an obligation to stand behind his employee. This all finally came to a head in the Fall of 2010. I discovered the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
When I took this to the Pastor I was very disappointed at our differing of opinions toward the severity of my discovery. He understood my concern but told me I needed to take it up the chain of command if I felt convicted enough to press on with this issue. I prayed about it and was very clear that this was something that God wanted me to battle.
The next stop would have been to present this situation to the committee that is responsible for the employee and his program. I chose not to do this as that committee was co-chaired by two people that I was confident would be in total disagreement of the situation. As a result of that opinion I wrote a letter to the Session (Elders) addressing my disappointment that I had at the activities that were witnessed in the church earlier in the week. Now I wrote this letter on Thursday and rewrote it and prayed over and edited over and over again until Saturday. Finally Saturday night after not needing to make any changes for about 7 hours I decided to send this letter out via email.
Sunday morning about half the Elders approached me as well as thanked me and assured me there would be some changes. The other Elders steered clear of me all morning. Later that week I met with the Pastor and he told me there had been an emergency meeting of Session called and they were working on an action plan that would prevent anymore such problems from happening. Then he proceeded to tell me how disappointed he and Session was for the way I handled it. They were not happy I would email it out on a Saturday night when he and the other person I was upset about were preparing to lead the church in worship on Sunday morning. I explained that I didn't think God really cared about their calenders as much as He cared about this problem being resolved in His House.
I left church that afternoon feeling good that changes were being made but sad that I was admonished for the way I handled it. I was really torn now as I loved this church. I loved the church family. I loved the Pastor and his loving wife. I loved that this was the House I devoted my life publicly through baptism to Jesus Christ. I decided that even though it might be a little uncomfortable for a few weeks until things calmed down I was going to stay.
Then the following Tuesday afternoon I received a letter from the Pastor and chair of the personnel committee. Basically the letter was very similar to the conversation I had already had with my Pastor. I was thanked but admonished. I began to cry uncontrollably as I read that letter. I cried out to Jesus and asked why he was letting me be admonished when I was doing the right thing for His Body. Later that night I was studying my Bible and the book was Mathew chapter 5. When I got to Mathew 5:10 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
I was calmed and I knew that I must move onto a new church.
When I left I was angry, bitter and most of all hurt. This was a church I had put my heart and soul into. I served every opportunity I could. I loved most everything about this church.
Time does heal all wounds. With time maturity and growth will come to. It's funny how I focused on that specific verse in Mathew 5. Later down the road I read Mathew 5 again. Then I really noticed the verse right before it. Mathew 5:9 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
I did not win my point at this church in a peaceful way that would build the Kingdom. I did stir things up to get the result I was wanting. Oh, how great hindsight is! I was to blinded by my own agenda of righteousness that I missed the entire lesson God was attempting to teach me here.
Or did I? That letter that broke my heart was what I needed to leave the nest if you will. I look at my time in that first church as growing up in my parents house. To really get out in the world and grow in Christ I needed to cut those apron strings. Ahh, how GREAT God is.
A while back I went back to that old church for a Memorial of a man I admired greatly. I was welcomed back as a returning son by my family that truly loved and missed me.
For some time I had been wanting to sit with the Pastor and apologize to him about my anger I had when I left. I also wanted to thank him for nurturing my walk with Christ while I was there and preparing my heart for the desire of a closer and more intimate relationship with Christ.
After sitting down probably fifty times to write an email asking him to meet me for coffee I finally was able to get that courage a couple weeks ago. Today was the day that we met. We had a great visit. The coffee was good but the conversation was stellar. We were both able to discuss our frustrations of how things transpired but most of all we were able to rekindle a friendship that had been hurt. We discussed in detail where God is calling me to be and what does that mean today and then long term. What are some of the short term goals I need to reach so I may reach the long term goal of what Jesus is calling me to do or more importantly whom to be. I am so blessed by this man of Christ that I not only love but admire. I will always have a big place in my heart for this man as he is the man that baptised me in the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.
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