About a week ago I found out my daughter Melissa is pregnant. I had many feelings and emotions about this situation immediately and unfortunately none of them were thoughts of joy. When my ex wife called to tell me I was shocked, angry, disappointed and judgemental. Even though Melissa is not my biological daughter and technically even my stepdaughter anymore as her Mother and I divorced, she will always be my Princess Melissa and I will always love her along with my son Danny as they are the siblings of Alexandria and therefore my kids.
I asked Barbara to not tell Alexandria until I had time to cover this matter in prayer and she graciously agreed. My dilemma went well beyond just telling Alexandria that she was going to be an Aunt but also how do I tell her so she knows that I don't condone what has happened and also so I don't condemn as well. At least this is at that time was what I really thought the hang up was.
The real challenge though came to surface a couple days later after praying. See when I was praying about this I was praying for Melissa and the baby. I was praying for Spiritual wisdom from my Father. I was praying for patience and strength for me. What I wasn't praying for was the Father of the baby Kyle.
You see Kyle and I have not seen eye to eye. Kyle is the man that introduced my daughter to an addiction to drugs. Kyle was the man I had thrown in jail for slamming Melissa into a garage door. Kyle was the man that had told me in anger how much my daughter hated me and how she only used me for her convenience. Kyle was the man that my daughter ran back to when I was forced to evict her from my home back in April due to more bad decisions that I had to shield Alexandria from. Kyle had become the wedge between my daughter and I. Kyle was the man that called me a FAKE Christian, oh how that one stung!
I have prayed for months for Melissa to get the courage to leave Kyle. I had prayed that she would be safe with Kyle. I had prayed that she would meet a man that would treat her the way I wanted her to be treated like the Princess I told her she was when I fell in love with her Mom.
I have realized in many ways that Kyle was right in one respect. I wouldn't say that he nailed it by calling me a FAKE Christian but I sure was a sin filled Christian with anger and resentment for this young man. My sin here allowed me to disappoint God as well. As It's very clear in the Bible about forgiveness.
1 Peter 3:9 Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t retaliate with insults when people insult you. Instead, pay them back with a blessing. That is what God has called you to do, and he will bless you for it.
Ephesians 4:32 Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.
Luke 6:37 Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.
Do you see a pattern of my darkness here? I sure do and that was a hard pill to swallow. Here in the Word of God Himself are my directions for dealing with Kyle all along but out of my stupid pride and a sinful heart I judged and had a bitterness towards this man. Where was I acting in a way pleasing to my Lord? I was NOT but I was acting in a way that tears down The Kingdom and empowers the enemy. I told my daughter about 10 months ago that she was only welcome in my house if she was alone without Kyle. What in the world was I thinking? Oh Lord forgive my sin and angry heart!
So now I have to figure out how to deal with this mess Melissa put our family into. That's what crossed my mind when I heard she was pregnant. What a fool I have been. What a poor Christian I have been. What a sinner I am.
Thank God for GRACE. Through His Grace I have been awaken to my errors. By Grace I am given another chance. Just like Kyle deserves another chance as well.
As I prayed this past week and asked my Brothers and Sisters in Christ to pray for me too it all came clear on how I was going to explain this to a 10 year old. We don't condone her sister getting pregnant before being married but we also don't condemn her, the baby or Kyle either.
I sat with Alexandria and her Mother, Barbara tonight and we explained to her that God may very well make her an Aunt. If He chooses to allow this pregnancy to end, even though it would be sad, it is in His control and out of all ours. (Melissa had a miscarriage when she was 16) We explained that just like God is disappointed in the actions that led to this pregnancy, He is happy that another baby is being offered to Him to raise and love for His Kingdom as well as we are, the soon to be Grandparents. We can show our daughters that we love them unconditionally as God does even when they make life decisions we don't agree with. That's all great and would be a great place to add, "and they all lived happily ever after" but there is the Kyle factor once again.
I also explained that sometimes God allows bad things to happen to people because the final result will be good. That was our prayer tonight. We prayed as a family that this baby will not only be born healthy but be the kick start that Melissa and Kyle both need to become responsible adults. They are not teens, Kyle 24 and Melissa 21. We pray that God uses this new life to give them a new refreshed start as Jesus has given us. We prayed that this baby will open their hearts just enough that they will open their eyes to the Love God has for each of them. We pray that they will seek a close and personal relationship with our Living God as a result of this beautiful baby.
As I end my writing tonight I pray that God makes it possible for us to welcome Kyle into our family for the broken young man he is, as by the grace of God go I. I am going to have Kyle at the top of my prayer list now. I am going to be speaking with both of the kids hopefully sooner than later.
Dear Father, I pray for Kyle and Melissa to have a healthy baby. I pray that this life changing miracle of life will be the birth of not only a baby but a positive life changing experience God. I pray for sobriety for Kyle and Melissa, not just through the pregnancy but for their young lives can be lived in a way that will honor you Lord. I pray for responsibility and for calmness in their lives Lord. I give thanks to you Lord for showing me through Love, the errors of my own sinful heart towards Kyle a son that You created Lord. I pray for your blessings and peace on Kyle, Melissa and the baby Lord. I ask you to answer these prayers in the name of my Saviour Jesus Christ, Amen
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sunday August 28, 2011
Today I woke up exhausted as I had a bout of insomnia and cancelled the work on my house today. I got up and drank coffee and read a little bit. Then I got a hold of Joel Peach and invited him to lunch. We agreed to meet at about 12:30.
I wore my "I Killed Jesus & Jesus Saved Me" t-shirt. For those that have never seen this shirt it's a black T with large white letters that say "I Killed Jesus" then in smaller grey letters underneath it says, "& Jesus Save Me." When people are more than 20 feet away all they see is the large white letters. Many times this shirt will make people squirm until I get close enough that they can read the grey letters. At that time I see a calm come over them.
Today was no different. These two African American ladies were sitting across the Dining Room from us and they kept looking at me in disgust. I pointed it out to Joel and I shared some other situations where this shirt has allowed me to have conversations about God with complete strangers. After they were finished eating they had to walk right past us and the Mom stopped and read the shirt and asked me, "what in the world does that mean? Why would you wear a shirt stating that you killed Jesus? I love Jesus." I explained very kindly that if I and her and every other person since God's Creation hadn't been sinners that God would've never had to send His Son to die for our sinful and broken ways. As a result we were all guilty of killing Jesus. At that moment I saw the light come on and she smiled and apologized for staring at me and then wanted to know where she could buy a shirt too for her husband.
That is the reason I have that shirt. To force people to think outside the box. To start conversations with complete strangers so we can have conversations about Jesus. So we can talk about His Grace and all His Glory. I am so humbled and pleased that I got to represent His Kingdom today and honor Him by discussing His greatness.
Now we fast forward to this evening and I talked Joel into going to worship tonight at Reality. I picked up Joel and we had a very nice visit on the drive over. After driving to church we grabbed some coffee and I noticed a man I never had seen before walk in. He grabbed coffee and headed for a couch in the back by himself. I walked over and introduced myself to David and found that he'd moved into the community from Portland a couple months ago and was in the process of finding a church to call home. He had been to the Thursday night service and this was his 3rd service today in as many churches.
David was a little shy at first and a little reluctant to answer personal questions about himself to a stranger but as I listened he began to open up a bit. I discovered that he loved to worship through music and has a musical gift that allows him to play many instruments. The service was about to start and so I asked if it would be OK to continue after worship and if at that time there was anything weighing on his heart that I could pray with him about. He smiled and said he would like to talk some more after the time of worship.
The sermon was the wrap up of the study on the Book of Jonah. As always Paul did a great job of getting to the real point God is trying to get to us in this story. Really made me think about how shallow I have been in my life and how much like Jonah I have been. Like when I was a kid and my Mom would tell me she bought me a gift and as soon as I found out it was new pants or shoes I threw a tantrum as it wasn't a toy. I wish I could say that type of selfish behavior stopped as a child but truthfully it still goes on. I make a commission and yet I get pissed as I didn't make a bonus with it even though I did everything right and it was out of my control but still I didn't get the bonus too, I get pissy and just throw a different type of tantrum now. So I can relate to how silly and selfish Jonah acted in chapter 4 and yet God still loves me as He loved Jonah and that my friends is called GRACE.
After taking communion and singing a few more songs I went to the back of the church and met with my new Brother David. I introduced Pastor Paul and after they talked for a bit I got the chance to do something amazing for our Lord. I was able to listen to David with compassion and a caring and loving heart as that sermon really touched his heart tonight. He told me how he had been so harshly judging an atheist friend for so long and how that lesson tonight made him see how wrong he was.
I praise God for this. He was able to speak through Paul and using the book of Jonah to bring a man so much conviction he was able to confess this sin and then repent for it. I praise the Father for this. I sat there and listened and then the Spirit spoke words of wisdom and encouragement and love through me to David and we were able to lay it all at the feet of Christ tonight as I was honored to pray for this man. I saw a man that has been beating himself up secretly for a long time get a new start tonight. A refreshed start that David is going to take out in this community and share a smile and kind words to strangers for the Kingdom of Christ. For this I thank God and praise His unconditional Love that He has for every being He created.
I am so blessed that God is calling me by name to share His Love with the world one person at a time. I give thanks for this and I ask anyone reading this to give praise to God and to please lift up my new Brother in Christ David this week and to also please pray for me. Pray for me to continue to be obedient to my Father and loving to all of God's people. I ask that you pray for me to be strong and lead from the sins of flesh this week. That you pray for me to hear God in my heart and soul and to remember, when I can't handle any of it, all I have to do is lay it at the cross and He will take over and relieve me of the troubles and worries I have. Thank you for your prayers and your friendship.
God bless you all and may God continue to not only Bless America but all the people in the world.
I wore my "I Killed Jesus & Jesus Saved Me" t-shirt. For those that have never seen this shirt it's a black T with large white letters that say "I Killed Jesus" then in smaller grey letters underneath it says, "& Jesus Save Me." When people are more than 20 feet away all they see is the large white letters. Many times this shirt will make people squirm until I get close enough that they can read the grey letters. At that time I see a calm come over them.
Today was no different. These two African American ladies were sitting across the Dining Room from us and they kept looking at me in disgust. I pointed it out to Joel and I shared some other situations where this shirt has allowed me to have conversations about God with complete strangers. After they were finished eating they had to walk right past us and the Mom stopped and read the shirt and asked me, "what in the world does that mean? Why would you wear a shirt stating that you killed Jesus? I love Jesus." I explained very kindly that if I and her and every other person since God's Creation hadn't been sinners that God would've never had to send His Son to die for our sinful and broken ways. As a result we were all guilty of killing Jesus. At that moment I saw the light come on and she smiled and apologized for staring at me and then wanted to know where she could buy a shirt too for her husband.
That is the reason I have that shirt. To force people to think outside the box. To start conversations with complete strangers so we can have conversations about Jesus. So we can talk about His Grace and all His Glory. I am so humbled and pleased that I got to represent His Kingdom today and honor Him by discussing His greatness.
Now we fast forward to this evening and I talked Joel into going to worship tonight at Reality. I picked up Joel and we had a very nice visit on the drive over. After driving to church we grabbed some coffee and I noticed a man I never had seen before walk in. He grabbed coffee and headed for a couch in the back by himself. I walked over and introduced myself to David and found that he'd moved into the community from Portland a couple months ago and was in the process of finding a church to call home. He had been to the Thursday night service and this was his 3rd service today in as many churches.
David was a little shy at first and a little reluctant to answer personal questions about himself to a stranger but as I listened he began to open up a bit. I discovered that he loved to worship through music and has a musical gift that allows him to play many instruments. The service was about to start and so I asked if it would be OK to continue after worship and if at that time there was anything weighing on his heart that I could pray with him about. He smiled and said he would like to talk some more after the time of worship.
The sermon was the wrap up of the study on the Book of Jonah. As always Paul did a great job of getting to the real point God is trying to get to us in this story. Really made me think about how shallow I have been in my life and how much like Jonah I have been. Like when I was a kid and my Mom would tell me she bought me a gift and as soon as I found out it was new pants or shoes I threw a tantrum as it wasn't a toy. I wish I could say that type of selfish behavior stopped as a child but truthfully it still goes on. I make a commission and yet I get pissed as I didn't make a bonus with it even though I did everything right and it was out of my control but still I didn't get the bonus too, I get pissy and just throw a different type of tantrum now. So I can relate to how silly and selfish Jonah acted in chapter 4 and yet God still loves me as He loved Jonah and that my friends is called GRACE.
After taking communion and singing a few more songs I went to the back of the church and met with my new Brother David. I introduced Pastor Paul and after they talked for a bit I got the chance to do something amazing for our Lord. I was able to listen to David with compassion and a caring and loving heart as that sermon really touched his heart tonight. He told me how he had been so harshly judging an atheist friend for so long and how that lesson tonight made him see how wrong he was.
I praise God for this. He was able to speak through Paul and using the book of Jonah to bring a man so much conviction he was able to confess this sin and then repent for it. I praise the Father for this. I sat there and listened and then the Spirit spoke words of wisdom and encouragement and love through me to David and we were able to lay it all at the feet of Christ tonight as I was honored to pray for this man. I saw a man that has been beating himself up secretly for a long time get a new start tonight. A refreshed start that David is going to take out in this community and share a smile and kind words to strangers for the Kingdom of Christ. For this I thank God and praise His unconditional Love that He has for every being He created.
I am so blessed that God is calling me by name to share His Love with the world one person at a time. I give thanks for this and I ask anyone reading this to give praise to God and to please lift up my new Brother in Christ David this week and to also please pray for me. Pray for me to continue to be obedient to my Father and loving to all of God's people. I ask that you pray for me to be strong and lead from the sins of flesh this week. That you pray for me to hear God in my heart and soul and to remember, when I can't handle any of it, all I have to do is lay it at the cross and He will take over and relieve me of the troubles and worries I have. Thank you for your prayers and your friendship.
God bless you all and may God continue to not only Bless America but all the people in the world.
Saturday August 27, 2011
Today was a good day. Especially after how bad of a day I had yesterday. No matter how much I prayed for peace and tranquility I was full of anger, resentment, fear and most of all confusion. I prayed for release and deliverance but yet still went to bed with angst. I awoke about 3 AM this morning and had that peace in my heart that I was seeking all day yesterday. Thank you God for being faithful and bringing me that peace and filling my soul with your Love once again.
As I look for some way to make sense of this, all I can think of is in the Lord's Prayer when Jesus teaches "Your will be done" - In that verse we are reminded that it will happen in God's time or His will not ours. I was asking God to give me instant relief and satisfaction as I am accustomed to "having it my way" as most Americans in this instant society we live in. I believe today as I write this that was God telling me, let go, give me control, submit and come humbled and I will give you more than you ever can imagine in happiness and comfort.
I thank you God for this lesson and Your desire for me to grow and serve Jesus. I need to learn as You are teaching me to give all my problems, large or tiny to You. To leave my problems and frustrations at Your feet and then and only then can I fully submit and serve. Thank you Lord for this lesson and never giving up on me, your broken child that so badly wants to please you Father. Thank you for calling me to serve Your Kingdom that is open to all of the people You have created, oh God you are so loving and wonderful to us and yet we so undeserving of Your Love, forgiveness and Grace. I pray Lord that I can become the man You have desired me to be. I pray that Satan gives up on me soon Lord that he knows that You are my only Love and that I am here to serve only You now Lord as I am done doing his evil works in this broken world. Lord I pray these prayers loud and proud as you are My King, my Saviour, My Father and my Friend, you Lord are Love in the truest form and I thank you for all of this and praise You Father in the name of Jesus the Christ. Amen
As I look for some way to make sense of this, all I can think of is in the Lord's Prayer when Jesus teaches "Your will be done" - In that verse we are reminded that it will happen in God's time or His will not ours. I was asking God to give me instant relief and satisfaction as I am accustomed to "having it my way" as most Americans in this instant society we live in. I believe today as I write this that was God telling me, let go, give me control, submit and come humbled and I will give you more than you ever can imagine in happiness and comfort.
I thank you God for this lesson and Your desire for me to grow and serve Jesus. I need to learn as You are teaching me to give all my problems, large or tiny to You. To leave my problems and frustrations at Your feet and then and only then can I fully submit and serve. Thank you Lord for this lesson and never giving up on me, your broken child that so badly wants to please you Father. Thank you for calling me to serve Your Kingdom that is open to all of the people You have created, oh God you are so loving and wonderful to us and yet we so undeserving of Your Love, forgiveness and Grace. I pray Lord that I can become the man You have desired me to be. I pray that Satan gives up on me soon Lord that he knows that You are my only Love and that I am here to serve only You now Lord as I am done doing his evil works in this broken world. Lord I pray these prayers loud and proud as you are My King, my Saviour, My Father and my Friend, you Lord are Love in the truest form and I thank you for all of this and praise You Father in the name of Jesus the Christ. Amen
Thursday, August 25, 2011
August 25, 2011
Today was Thursday and I have been witnessing the effect that Christ has been making in my life. I am hearing my calling to serve Him humbly and obediently loud and clear. I started my day with prayer and was led to study the book of Titus. What a great place to start my day as I am praying about being obedient to God. I pray for wisdom and strength to get through today unoffendable so that I can be a beacon of His love in His world no matter what comes at me today. Titus is such a great book to remind me what a Christian Leader or Mentor is to appear as. The Apostle Paul is very clear in His letter on how to lead by being a living example.
The day was a good day. Nothing all that exciting at work. I met Larry and Cathy from California and sold them on why they should buy from Clayton Homes and myself next summer when they relocate to the Puget Sound. It was a good day of progress at the office with nothing great or bad happening.
Then my friend Lisa came by to visit and we had a nice visit and talked about the Lord, friendship, relationships in a Christian sense and had a very nice visit. I left work to pick up Alexandria from her play date and was planning on finally making it to Reality for Thursday night worship when Lisa sent me a message asking if Alex and I wanted to meet her and Anna for dinner. I gave Alex the choice of church or hanging with Anna for dinner and off to the Super Buffet. We had a decent dinner and nice time of fellowship and then a nice day goes South.
I walk out and my truck is sitting crooked. I say oh crap not a flat tire. Sure enough it was not only flat but had been slashed on the sidewall on the passenger front tire. Immediately anger starts to boil and I start praying "God why, why me?" As frustration is building and the desire for justice starts to build I call the police to report the vandalism and start jacking up the truck. God is telling me to breathe, it's OK. I want to be pissed but start to calm a bit. I soon realize what a bozo I am as I jacked the truck up in a terrible place and get the flat removed but as a result can't get the truck high enough to get the spare on. Now I am getting pissed at myself. I lower the truck and try and reposition the jack but now I really screwed up and the truck is too low to get the jack under a safe and good spot. The officer arrives during this time and I tell him the story and determine I need a block and borrow Lisa's car and head to my office to grab a block. I left Lisa and the girls there as it was faster and getting dark quickly.
As I drive down Martin Way I start praying again and asking God to wash the anger and spite from my heart and make me unoffendable once again. The anger is removed and now I am able to proclaim forgiveness for the sin against me and begin to thank God that my tire was the center of this persons aggression and not a life. I am now thanking God for allowing this to help me grow in my faith. I get to my office retrieve the block and head back to the truck.
Upon arriving I see two men talking with Lisa as the kids are playing. God had brought Brother Gary and Brother Joel to offer assistance and keep the girls feeling safe and secure until I returned. Immediately they offer to help me finish the tire. The entire time Joel and I are putting the tire on Gary is quoting scripture and praying as he speaks. We stand together in a circle and pray thanks for bringing us, family of the Holy Kingdom together for Gods Glory. We pray forgiveness for the person or people that did this stupid act of destruction and ask that God uses this act as a way to release the anger and sadness in their heart and spare a person their wrath. We praise God for this act for building patience, tolerance, obedience and forgiveness when the enemy is out to stop me from my desire to live as a man of God that will be unoffendable and bring all glory onto Him, my Lord and King Jesus the Christ.
This day ended up going from mundane to glorious as I was able to connect with my two Brothers in Christ. I was able to turn it all over to the Father and allow Him the opportunity to judge, punish or forgive those that committed this act against me. This was a day that went from good and mellow to fun fellowship and then in a flash it became terrible as for a minute the anger started to control my state of mind and then, poof...I gave it to God and I was good as through Him all is great and glorious and if I can stay focused on Him and command Satan to get behind me...I will become the man God created me to be and that my Brothers and Sisters has me grinning from ear to ear. God bless you all and good night.
The day was a good day. Nothing all that exciting at work. I met Larry and Cathy from California and sold them on why they should buy from Clayton Homes and myself next summer when they relocate to the Puget Sound. It was a good day of progress at the office with nothing great or bad happening.
Then my friend Lisa came by to visit and we had a nice visit and talked about the Lord, friendship, relationships in a Christian sense and had a very nice visit. I left work to pick up Alexandria from her play date and was planning on finally making it to Reality for Thursday night worship when Lisa sent me a message asking if Alex and I wanted to meet her and Anna for dinner. I gave Alex the choice of church or hanging with Anna for dinner and off to the Super Buffet. We had a decent dinner and nice time of fellowship and then a nice day goes South.
I walk out and my truck is sitting crooked. I say oh crap not a flat tire. Sure enough it was not only flat but had been slashed on the sidewall on the passenger front tire. Immediately anger starts to boil and I start praying "God why, why me?" As frustration is building and the desire for justice starts to build I call the police to report the vandalism and start jacking up the truck. God is telling me to breathe, it's OK. I want to be pissed but start to calm a bit. I soon realize what a bozo I am as I jacked the truck up in a terrible place and get the flat removed but as a result can't get the truck high enough to get the spare on. Now I am getting pissed at myself. I lower the truck and try and reposition the jack but now I really screwed up and the truck is too low to get the jack under a safe and good spot. The officer arrives during this time and I tell him the story and determine I need a block and borrow Lisa's car and head to my office to grab a block. I left Lisa and the girls there as it was faster and getting dark quickly.
As I drive down Martin Way I start praying again and asking God to wash the anger and spite from my heart and make me unoffendable once again. The anger is removed and now I am able to proclaim forgiveness for the sin against me and begin to thank God that my tire was the center of this persons aggression and not a life. I am now thanking God for allowing this to help me grow in my faith. I get to my office retrieve the block and head back to the truck.
Upon arriving I see two men talking with Lisa as the kids are playing. God had brought Brother Gary and Brother Joel to offer assistance and keep the girls feeling safe and secure until I returned. Immediately they offer to help me finish the tire. The entire time Joel and I are putting the tire on Gary is quoting scripture and praying as he speaks. We stand together in a circle and pray thanks for bringing us, family of the Holy Kingdom together for Gods Glory. We pray forgiveness for the person or people that did this stupid act of destruction and ask that God uses this act as a way to release the anger and sadness in their heart and spare a person their wrath. We praise God for this act for building patience, tolerance, obedience and forgiveness when the enemy is out to stop me from my desire to live as a man of God that will be unoffendable and bring all glory onto Him, my Lord and King Jesus the Christ.
This day ended up going from mundane to glorious as I was able to connect with my two Brothers in Christ. I was able to turn it all over to the Father and allow Him the opportunity to judge, punish or forgive those that committed this act against me. This was a day that went from good and mellow to fun fellowship and then in a flash it became terrible as for a minute the anger started to control my state of mind and then, poof...I gave it to God and I was good as through Him all is great and glorious and if I can stay focused on Him and command Satan to get behind me...I will become the man God created me to be and that my Brothers and Sisters has me grinning from ear to ear. God bless you all and good night.
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