As a single man that has used the world of online dating as a place of hope and desire to find an eventual wife I am starting to rethink my entire thought process.
I have been on several dating sites and they are all the same. I have made some good friends as a result but really have found more opportunities to sin than anything else. It doesn't matter if it's been Christian dating sites or secular dating sites. Everyone on there is looking for companionship. It's just that we all have different opinions of what that should be.
I am not going to go into today all the pros and cons of online dating but really the importance of faith and the most important relationship of all. The relationship that we have with God.
Here recently I put on one of the secular dating sites that I am basically only looking for friends to discuss the glory and grace of Christ. I also said that if anyone was in need of prayer that all they needed to do was email me their name and a little background on the situation and I would promise to lift them in prayer.
I received the same prayer request over and over. The same prayer request that I have also received from some of my single friends in the last year. To pray for God to bring the person into their life that He desires them to build a life with and to extinguish their loneliness. I always have done as asked and lifted them in prayer.
This really started to make me think though. What exactly are these people looking for? Why is there a void in their hearts and lives (just as in my own)? Why is God taking His own sweet time to answer these prayers?
As a believer I believe that God answers every prayer in one of three ways. Yes, no or not yet! Why would a relational God be answering so many prayers with not yet?
Well I believe through prayer that the Holy Spirit is speaking to my heart and mind. I now have some answers to this question.
I know God desires us all to be happy and in healthy relationships. I also believe that God desires us to make our relationship with Him our first priority. Why would He brings us the distraction of a partner when Christ is so badly desiring us to have a daily and faithful relationship with Him. I believe that is where God is answering these prayers of myself and my Christian friends with not yet. I believe when we live for Christ and are in relation with Christ in everything we do that He will then bring us to that perfect mate that He created just for us. I believe the reason that He is waiting is so that when He does bring that person into our life that we both will be able to build up His Kingdom through our obedience and relationship with Jesus.
So the lessons here that we must learn are lessons of obedience, faithfulness, trust and patience and then and only then will God answer those prayers of loneliness with Yes, here he/she is to live your life for Me as my faithful and loving children.
Dear Lord,
I pray for this lesson you have put into my heart today to be your Holy Will for me. I pray that you will give me the strength daily to be patient and obedient to you so that I may grow in relation with you Lord Father. I pray that when I am capable of submitting all of my desires to you God that then you will be faithful and deliver the woman that is to be my wife. She will be hand picked by you Father to serve you with me Lord. She will be the lady that I will honor you with by me being loving and faithful to her and I will love her as Jesus has loved us, His Body the church. I thank you Lord for allowing me this opportunity to speak and minister these lessons for you and your Glory. I thank you Jesus for Love and Grace that you have afforded me a new day and eternal and everlasting life through your Blood. I pray that these thoughts and prayers are easily converted by you into my daily life. I thank you God for your desire of a relationship with me. I love you Lord Jesus. In Christ I pray. Amen
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Friday, September 23, 2011
Friday September 23, 2011
I am having great difficulty turning the reigns of my life over to God completely. It seems like it would be so easy to do. After all God is everything good, great, beautiful, loving and perfect. God only wants the absolute best for us as He loves us so much. Then why do I still want to be the one that guides the ship of my life?
The facts are that when I lived my life my way I was a complete mess. I was full of greed, anger, lust, perversion and was a great advocate for Satan. Yet through my relationship with Christ I have found faith, love, peace and hope. This should be a no brainer. I should be asking God to steer my life at every turn. So then why when I have witnessed how wonderful life is when I submit to Christ, am I still struggling with control?
I would say the majority of the time I am having God take the lead. It's just when things are not moving fast enough in the direction I desire that I take the reigns back. What I do know is when I do this it never turns out in a way that is good or pleasing to my Father.
Life is actually going great for me and I need to focus on the blessings more and my desires less. I need to allow myself to submit fully to Christ at every turn and be obedient full time. He will guide me where I am suppose to be and I know it will be my predestined fate and no matter the outcome, God will deliver me to victory. Yet, why in the world is this such a tough lesson to learn?
I truly don't know the answers but I do trust through faith that Jesus knows. I do know that He has given me a very simple task in the season I am in right now. My only assignment right now from God is to walk the walk with Him, submit all and be obedient in everything I do.
Please pray for me to conquer this difficult lesson I am trying to overcome. Please pray for me to always submit to the will of God and to let Him steer my life. Please pray for me to be the obedient child of the King that I am suppose to be. Please pray for me to walk with Christ in every step I take.
Thank you my friends. Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ. As always if you have specific prayer needs you can email me anytime and tell me what it is you need covered in prayer and I promise to lift you to Papa in prayer too. My email is stevesleasman@yahoo.com
The facts are that when I lived my life my way I was a complete mess. I was full of greed, anger, lust, perversion and was a great advocate for Satan. Yet through my relationship with Christ I have found faith, love, peace and hope. This should be a no brainer. I should be asking God to steer my life at every turn. So then why when I have witnessed how wonderful life is when I submit to Christ, am I still struggling with control?
I would say the majority of the time I am having God take the lead. It's just when things are not moving fast enough in the direction I desire that I take the reigns back. What I do know is when I do this it never turns out in a way that is good or pleasing to my Father.
Life is actually going great for me and I need to focus on the blessings more and my desires less. I need to allow myself to submit fully to Christ at every turn and be obedient full time. He will guide me where I am suppose to be and I know it will be my predestined fate and no matter the outcome, God will deliver me to victory. Yet, why in the world is this such a tough lesson to learn?
I truly don't know the answers but I do trust through faith that Jesus knows. I do know that He has given me a very simple task in the season I am in right now. My only assignment right now from God is to walk the walk with Him, submit all and be obedient in everything I do.
Please pray for me to conquer this difficult lesson I am trying to overcome. Please pray for me to always submit to the will of God and to let Him steer my life. Please pray for me to be the obedient child of the King that I am suppose to be. Please pray for me to walk with Christ in every step I take.
Thank you my friends. Thank you my brothers and sisters in Christ. As always if you have specific prayer needs you can email me anytime and tell me what it is you need covered in prayer and I promise to lift you to Papa in prayer too. My email is stevesleasman@yahoo.com
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday September 17, 2011
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. It all goes back to a little over a year ago when I met an amazing lady and fell crazy and deeply in love with her. We jumped in way too fast and way too heavy and then as quickly as it started due to things I had no control over she ended it. I was absolutely devastated. As if that wasn't enough I was in the process of leaving my church family and making my own way in my walk with Christ.
It's been a very interesting journey that God has brought me through this past year. With lots of opportunities for growth and maturity in such a short period of time.
A week ago or so I decided to reach out to this woman and say hello and let her know I had no hard feelings for the way things had ended. I even had taken much of the responsibility for our sinful relationship and my part in the eventual demise. She was very thankful for the message and told me that she has thought of me often too. I sent another message to her and asked her to read this blog as I wanted her to see what the Lord has done to my heart in this past year. She logged on and read my writings and then called me out of the blue. That phone call I was not ready for.
She told me that she was involved in a relationship with a man. She also told me she still loved me and was very torn how she could still love me after almost a year of no contact at all. I told her that I didn't want to get in the way of her current relationship and all I really wanted was to be friends. I even told her I would pray for that relationship she was in.
I tried to pray for God's blessing on that relationship and for Him to allow a friendship with us to be restored. It was impossible for me to pray for that relationship however. I learned quickly that I still had feelings as well. Oh how the pain hit me all over again like a ton of bricks. How could this be? I already had healed a broken heart from this woman a long time ago. I mourned for several months after she left me. How could this be happening again? So I prayed just for her and her kids as I knew I couldn't pray for a relationship I was jealous of. After all God knows my real heart and my real feelings.
Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I prayed for myself. This is something I don't do often enough. I pray for my kids, family, friends, church leaders, government, military, teachers, co-workers, customers and even enemies but rarely do I pray for myself. I always feel guilty to pray for myself when I live such a blessed life compared to so many others around the world.
So there I was praying for God to lift this pain in my heart and to heal my heart once and for all of the desire to be with this woman. Within two hours I was feeling the comfort of my Lord. I was relieved and able to pray for this woman and her relationship that she is in. I was able to pray that she will find the happiness and love she is looking for in that relationship and that all love she still has for me to be directed to the man she is now with. What a relief to receive that kind of peace and comfort from God.
I know now that I must remember to include myself and my needs and desires as part of my prayer life. I know that God wants to hear those prayers too. I also was reminded of no matter how tough the heartache in our lives are that when we lay it at the foot of the Cross, He will comfort us each and every time.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
It's been a very interesting journey that God has brought me through this past year. With lots of opportunities for growth and maturity in such a short period of time.
A week ago or so I decided to reach out to this woman and say hello and let her know I had no hard feelings for the way things had ended. I even had taken much of the responsibility for our sinful relationship and my part in the eventual demise. She was very thankful for the message and told me that she has thought of me often too. I sent another message to her and asked her to read this blog as I wanted her to see what the Lord has done to my heart in this past year. She logged on and read my writings and then called me out of the blue. That phone call I was not ready for.
She told me that she was involved in a relationship with a man. She also told me she still loved me and was very torn how she could still love me after almost a year of no contact at all. I told her that I didn't want to get in the way of her current relationship and all I really wanted was to be friends. I even told her I would pray for that relationship she was in.
I tried to pray for God's blessing on that relationship and for Him to allow a friendship with us to be restored. It was impossible for me to pray for that relationship however. I learned quickly that I still had feelings as well. Oh how the pain hit me all over again like a ton of bricks. How could this be? I already had healed a broken heart from this woman a long time ago. I mourned for several months after she left me. How could this be happening again? So I prayed just for her and her kids as I knew I couldn't pray for a relationship I was jealous of. After all God knows my real heart and my real feelings.
Then something happened I wasn't expecting. I prayed for myself. This is something I don't do often enough. I pray for my kids, family, friends, church leaders, government, military, teachers, co-workers, customers and even enemies but rarely do I pray for myself. I always feel guilty to pray for myself when I live such a blessed life compared to so many others around the world.
So there I was praying for God to lift this pain in my heart and to heal my heart once and for all of the desire to be with this woman. Within two hours I was feeling the comfort of my Lord. I was relieved and able to pray for this woman and her relationship that she is in. I was able to pray that she will find the happiness and love she is looking for in that relationship and that all love she still has for me to be directed to the man she is now with. What a relief to receive that kind of peace and comfort from God.
I know now that I must remember to include myself and my needs and desires as part of my prayer life. I know that God wants to hear those prayers too. I also was reminded of no matter how tough the heartache in our lives are that when we lay it at the foot of the Cross, He will comfort us each and every time.
Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me
2 Corinthians 1:3-7
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Sunday September 11, 2011
It is hard to believe that it's already been 10 years since the the day that will always be known as 9/11. I remember waking up that Tuesday morning and listening to the very first report. The news reporter said they had reports of a plane that had just hit the World Trade Center and they were trying to get footage. My first thought was somebody in a Cessna or something was committing suicide and going to take out a few innocent victims in the process. As I continued to watch the news with my coffee I realized the horror of what was happening when I saw the second plane hit the other tower.
We were under attack. War against America had been waged on our home turf for the first time since Pearl Harbor. Our lives as Americans had been changed forever.
Many innocent people perished that horrific day. Many families would never again see on earth their loved ones again.
Then we saw something I had not witnessed in my life. Americans were becoming friendly to all of their neighbors. Racism was killed for a short time in America as a result of 9/11. The only thing that mattered during that period of history was you were American. Police officers, firefighters and members of the military were being thanked for the difficult and dangerous jobs they dedicated their lives for. Americans were finally pulling their heads out of the sand and living in a way that was pleasing to Christ.
People that had never been in a church were now attending services to pray. People that had not been to church in years for what ever reason were heading to a church service. People that had never believed in God were now really questioning His existence. Oh how God must have been pleased by how we sinful Americans were rallying together and building each other, fellow Americans up.
My favorite memory of my own Dad came three or four days after that tragic day. We were at the first Mariners game after the season had resumed. Before the National Anthem was sung, we as Americans all stood and sang God Bless America. My Dad put his arm around me as we stood there singing together with tears rolling down our cheeks. (this was the 1st time since my Grandma's funeral that I saw my Dad cry, the 2nd time in my life) There was not a dry eye at Safeco Field that night.
We later discovered that this scene played out at every baseball stadium in America that evening.
How pleased God must have been that as a nation we were finally recognizing his Holiness. In a country that was built up as "One Nation Under God" we had been failing God terribly. We had become so politically correct that we ignored the commands given by God. We had become a nation that not just accepted homosexuality but put it on a pedestal. We had become a nation where not only made it legal for women to kill babies in abortion clinics but we paid for many of those abortions with tax dollars. "One Nation Under God" we were not anymore.
So when 9/11 happened I am fairly certain of a couple things. God was hurt by those terror acts against His people. His lambs that He created that were slaughtered that day. I am also certain He was proud that we became, even for a short time, "One Nation Under God."
God had to have loved hearing all those voices across this country singing God Bless America in ballparks, churches and homes. He had to hate what it took to bring that loving side of Americans to the surface.
This Thursday night at church we studied the book of Joel. Joel was a prophet that told of the great famine that was coming as a result of Locust. It was God punishing the people for being disobedient. Joel prophesied about How God would forgive and return everything back to it's original state when the people finally repented.
I wonder today with the tenth anniversary of 9/11 and all the hurricanes, earthquakes, tornado's, tsunamis, fires and floods if some of these things are not God showing His righteous anger with us again. I am not saying that God is responsible for 9/11 happening as I believe it was the act of Satan but maybe it's time this world stops fighting and tearing down the Kingdom of God and start loving and living as God has taught us through His Holy Scriptures. I have a feeling if we don't repent soon it will get much worse until we do. What I mean is that if we don't become better people living to please God, Satan will continue to create terrorism and destroy innocent lives. As a result maybe God will use His Holy power as He did in the Old Testament to get our attention.
How about you? Will you be ready for your judgement if you get brought to God as a result of a tragedy? Or will you say Father thank you for bringing me Home from that sinful and broken world?
We were under attack. War against America had been waged on our home turf for the first time since Pearl Harbor. Our lives as Americans had been changed forever.
Many innocent people perished that horrific day. Many families would never again see on earth their loved ones again.
Then we saw something I had not witnessed in my life. Americans were becoming friendly to all of their neighbors. Racism was killed for a short time in America as a result of 9/11. The only thing that mattered during that period of history was you were American. Police officers, firefighters and members of the military were being thanked for the difficult and dangerous jobs they dedicated their lives for. Americans were finally pulling their heads out of the sand and living in a way that was pleasing to Christ.
People that had never been in a church were now attending services to pray. People that had not been to church in years for what ever reason were heading to a church service. People that had never believed in God were now really questioning His existence. Oh how God must have been pleased by how we sinful Americans were rallying together and building each other, fellow Americans up.
My favorite memory of my own Dad came three or four days after that tragic day. We were at the first Mariners game after the season had resumed. Before the National Anthem was sung, we as Americans all stood and sang God Bless America. My Dad put his arm around me as we stood there singing together with tears rolling down our cheeks. (this was the 1st time since my Grandma's funeral that I saw my Dad cry, the 2nd time in my life) There was not a dry eye at Safeco Field that night.
We later discovered that this scene played out at every baseball stadium in America that evening.
How pleased God must have been that as a nation we were finally recognizing his Holiness. In a country that was built up as "One Nation Under God" we had been failing God terribly. We had become so politically correct that we ignored the commands given by God. We had become a nation that not just accepted homosexuality but put it on a pedestal. We had become a nation where not only made it legal for women to kill babies in abortion clinics but we paid for many of those abortions with tax dollars. "One Nation Under God" we were not anymore.
So when 9/11 happened I am fairly certain of a couple things. God was hurt by those terror acts against His people. His lambs that He created that were slaughtered that day. I am also certain He was proud that we became, even for a short time, "One Nation Under God."
God had to have loved hearing all those voices across this country singing God Bless America in ballparks, churches and homes. He had to hate what it took to bring that loving side of Americans to the surface.
This Thursday night at church we studied the book of Joel. Joel was a prophet that told of the great famine that was coming as a result of Locust. It was God punishing the people for being disobedient. Joel prophesied about How God would forgive and return everything back to it's original state when the people finally repented.
I wonder today with the tenth anniversary of 9/11 and all the hurricanes, earthquakes, tornado's, tsunamis, fires and floods if some of these things are not God showing His righteous anger with us again. I am not saying that God is responsible for 9/11 happening as I believe it was the act of Satan but maybe it's time this world stops fighting and tearing down the Kingdom of God and start loving and living as God has taught us through His Holy Scriptures. I have a feeling if we don't repent soon it will get much worse until we do. What I mean is that if we don't become better people living to please God, Satan will continue to create terrorism and destroy innocent lives. As a result maybe God will use His Holy power as He did in the Old Testament to get our attention.
How about you? Will you be ready for your judgement if you get brought to God as a result of a tragedy? Or will you say Father thank you for bringing me Home from that sinful and broken world?
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Thursday September 8, 2011
About three and a half years ago I decided I wanted to find a church and start attending again. My wife and I could never find a church we could agree on so we stopped going all together before we were even married. So now after my failed marriage I wanted to go back and get reacquainted with Jesus. I look back and laugh as at this time I was living with a girlfriend and we were both still married to other people, yet we decided we needed to go to church.
I find it quite funny that as we were living adulterous lives, still married to other people and God saw a vulnerability in us that He could call us to His church and we actually were obedient enough to listen.
I was very methodical and mapped out a bunch of churches to check out near our house. We agreed we would go to the church closest to home and move outward each week until we found one we liked. The very first week we walked into a church three blocks (there's that number three again, it just always seems to come up) from the house and it was wonderful. People were so genuinely happy to meet us and welcome us to their house of worship. We were a little shocked at how awesome these people were. We then went into the Sanctuary and sat down to wait for the second service to begin and here comes the Pastor. He sat in the pew in front of us so he could turn and welcome us and visit. Once again he was extremely friendly and genuinely happy we had picked his church to stop in this Sunday morning.
We listened to the sermon that morning and both felt like it had been written specifically for each of us. The only thing we were not a fan of was the music. The second service was their traditional service with hymns. The contemporary service that played praise music was earlier in the morning. We decided that afternoon we would come back the following week to the contemporary service before seeking any other churches. The rest as they say is history.
We became every week attendees of the church. We even got my girlfriends parents to start joining us. Every week we met more people and got a little more involved. A couple months in and we were asked to attend the new members class and to consider becoming members of the church. The week after we became members I was baptised. Three weeks after that I came home to a Dear Steve letter and an empty house.
I continued to attend that church as my girlfriend left the state. I still sat with her parents and continued to be very active in the church. Then sometime during my second year there, I started to become disgruntled with certain ways some things were being handled in the church.
Unfortunately most of my frustrations were at one individual employee of the church. I had taken up these gripes I had with the Pastor. He listened and was very empathetic and even agreed with most of my concerns but still had an obligation to stand behind his employee. This all finally came to a head in the Fall of 2010. I discovered the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
When I took this to the Pastor I was very disappointed at our differing of opinions toward the severity of my discovery. He understood my concern but told me I needed to take it up the chain of command if I felt convicted enough to press on with this issue. I prayed about it and was very clear that this was something that God wanted me to battle.
The next stop would have been to present this situation to the committee that is responsible for the employee and his program. I chose not to do this as that committee was co-chaired by two people that I was confident would be in total disagreement of the situation. As a result of that opinion I wrote a letter to the Session (Elders) addressing my disappointment that I had at the activities that were witnessed in the church earlier in the week. Now I wrote this letter on Thursday and rewrote it and prayed over and edited over and over again until Saturday. Finally Saturday night after not needing to make any changes for about 7 hours I decided to send this letter out via email.
Sunday morning about half the Elders approached me as well as thanked me and assured me there would be some changes. The other Elders steered clear of me all morning. Later that week I met with the Pastor and he told me there had been an emergency meeting of Session called and they were working on an action plan that would prevent anymore such problems from happening. Then he proceeded to tell me how disappointed he and Session was for the way I handled it. They were not happy I would email it out on a Saturday night when he and the other person I was upset about were preparing to lead the church in worship on Sunday morning. I explained that I didn't think God really cared about their calenders as much as He cared about this problem being resolved in His House.
I left church that afternoon feeling good that changes were being made but sad that I was admonished for the way I handled it. I was really torn now as I loved this church. I loved the church family. I loved the Pastor and his loving wife. I loved that this was the House I devoted my life publicly through baptism to Jesus Christ. I decided that even though it might be a little uncomfortable for a few weeks until things calmed down I was going to stay.
Then the following Tuesday afternoon I received a letter from the Pastor and chair of the personnel committee. Basically the letter was very similar to the conversation I had already had with my Pastor. I was thanked but admonished. I began to cry uncontrollably as I read that letter. I cried out to Jesus and asked why he was letting me be admonished when I was doing the right thing for His Body. Later that night I was studying my Bible and the book was Mathew chapter 5. When I got to Mathew 5:10 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
I was calmed and I knew that I must move onto a new church.
When I left I was angry, bitter and most of all hurt. This was a church I had put my heart and soul into. I served every opportunity I could. I loved most everything about this church.
Time does heal all wounds. With time maturity and growth will come to. It's funny how I focused on that specific verse in Mathew 5. Later down the road I read Mathew 5 again. Then I really noticed the verse right before it. Mathew 5:9 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
I did not win my point at this church in a peaceful way that would build the Kingdom. I did stir things up to get the result I was wanting. Oh, how great hindsight is! I was to blinded by my own agenda of righteousness that I missed the entire lesson God was attempting to teach me here.
Or did I? That letter that broke my heart was what I needed to leave the nest if you will. I look at my time in that first church as growing up in my parents house. To really get out in the world and grow in Christ I needed to cut those apron strings. Ahh, how GREAT God is.
A while back I went back to that old church for a Memorial of a man I admired greatly. I was welcomed back as a returning son by my family that truly loved and missed me.
For some time I had been wanting to sit with the Pastor and apologize to him about my anger I had when I left. I also wanted to thank him for nurturing my walk with Christ while I was there and preparing my heart for the desire of a closer and more intimate relationship with Christ.
After sitting down probably fifty times to write an email asking him to meet me for coffee I finally was able to get that courage a couple weeks ago. Today was the day that we met. We had a great visit. The coffee was good but the conversation was stellar. We were both able to discuss our frustrations of how things transpired but most of all we were able to rekindle a friendship that had been hurt. We discussed in detail where God is calling me to be and what does that mean today and then long term. What are some of the short term goals I need to reach so I may reach the long term goal of what Jesus is calling me to do or more importantly whom to be. I am so blessed by this man of Christ that I not only love but admire. I will always have a big place in my heart for this man as he is the man that baptised me in the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.
I find it quite funny that as we were living adulterous lives, still married to other people and God saw a vulnerability in us that He could call us to His church and we actually were obedient enough to listen.
I was very methodical and mapped out a bunch of churches to check out near our house. We agreed we would go to the church closest to home and move outward each week until we found one we liked. The very first week we walked into a church three blocks (there's that number three again, it just always seems to come up) from the house and it was wonderful. People were so genuinely happy to meet us and welcome us to their house of worship. We were a little shocked at how awesome these people were. We then went into the Sanctuary and sat down to wait for the second service to begin and here comes the Pastor. He sat in the pew in front of us so he could turn and welcome us and visit. Once again he was extremely friendly and genuinely happy we had picked his church to stop in this Sunday morning.
We listened to the sermon that morning and both felt like it had been written specifically for each of us. The only thing we were not a fan of was the music. The second service was their traditional service with hymns. The contemporary service that played praise music was earlier in the morning. We decided that afternoon we would come back the following week to the contemporary service before seeking any other churches. The rest as they say is history.
We became every week attendees of the church. We even got my girlfriends parents to start joining us. Every week we met more people and got a little more involved. A couple months in and we were asked to attend the new members class and to consider becoming members of the church. The week after we became members I was baptised. Three weeks after that I came home to a Dear Steve letter and an empty house.
I continued to attend that church as my girlfriend left the state. I still sat with her parents and continued to be very active in the church. Then sometime during my second year there, I started to become disgruntled with certain ways some things were being handled in the church.
Unfortunately most of my frustrations were at one individual employee of the church. I had taken up these gripes I had with the Pastor. He listened and was very empathetic and even agreed with most of my concerns but still had an obligation to stand behind his employee. This all finally came to a head in the Fall of 2010. I discovered the proverbial straw that broke the camels back.
When I took this to the Pastor I was very disappointed at our differing of opinions toward the severity of my discovery. He understood my concern but told me I needed to take it up the chain of command if I felt convicted enough to press on with this issue. I prayed about it and was very clear that this was something that God wanted me to battle.
The next stop would have been to present this situation to the committee that is responsible for the employee and his program. I chose not to do this as that committee was co-chaired by two people that I was confident would be in total disagreement of the situation. As a result of that opinion I wrote a letter to the Session (Elders) addressing my disappointment that I had at the activities that were witnessed in the church earlier in the week. Now I wrote this letter on Thursday and rewrote it and prayed over and edited over and over again until Saturday. Finally Saturday night after not needing to make any changes for about 7 hours I decided to send this letter out via email.
Sunday morning about half the Elders approached me as well as thanked me and assured me there would be some changes. The other Elders steered clear of me all morning. Later that week I met with the Pastor and he told me there had been an emergency meeting of Session called and they were working on an action plan that would prevent anymore such problems from happening. Then he proceeded to tell me how disappointed he and Session was for the way I handled it. They were not happy I would email it out on a Saturday night when he and the other person I was upset about were preparing to lead the church in worship on Sunday morning. I explained that I didn't think God really cared about their calenders as much as He cared about this problem being resolved in His House.
I left church that afternoon feeling good that changes were being made but sad that I was admonished for the way I handled it. I was really torn now as I loved this church. I loved the church family. I loved the Pastor and his loving wife. I loved that this was the House I devoted my life publicly through baptism to Jesus Christ. I decided that even though it might be a little uncomfortable for a few weeks until things calmed down I was going to stay.
Then the following Tuesday afternoon I received a letter from the Pastor and chair of the personnel committee. Basically the letter was very similar to the conversation I had already had with my Pastor. I was thanked but admonished. I began to cry uncontrollably as I read that letter. I cried out to Jesus and asked why he was letting me be admonished when I was doing the right thing for His Body. Later that night I was studying my Bible and the book was Mathew chapter 5. When I got to Mathew 5:10 10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
I was calmed and I knew that I must move onto a new church.
When I left I was angry, bitter and most of all hurt. This was a church I had put my heart and soul into. I served every opportunity I could. I loved most everything about this church.
Time does heal all wounds. With time maturity and growth will come to. It's funny how I focused on that specific verse in Mathew 5. Later down the road I read Mathew 5 again. Then I really noticed the verse right before it. Mathew 5:9 9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
I did not win my point at this church in a peaceful way that would build the Kingdom. I did stir things up to get the result I was wanting. Oh, how great hindsight is! I was to blinded by my own agenda of righteousness that I missed the entire lesson God was attempting to teach me here.
Or did I? That letter that broke my heart was what I needed to leave the nest if you will. I look at my time in that first church as growing up in my parents house. To really get out in the world and grow in Christ I needed to cut those apron strings. Ahh, how GREAT God is.
A while back I went back to that old church for a Memorial of a man I admired greatly. I was welcomed back as a returning son by my family that truly loved and missed me.
For some time I had been wanting to sit with the Pastor and apologize to him about my anger I had when I left. I also wanted to thank him for nurturing my walk with Christ while I was there and preparing my heart for the desire of a closer and more intimate relationship with Christ.
After sitting down probably fifty times to write an email asking him to meet me for coffee I finally was able to get that courage a couple weeks ago. Today was the day that we met. We had a great visit. The coffee was good but the conversation was stellar. We were both able to discuss our frustrations of how things transpired but most of all we were able to rekindle a friendship that had been hurt. We discussed in detail where God is calling me to be and what does that mean today and then long term. What are some of the short term goals I need to reach so I may reach the long term goal of what Jesus is calling me to do or more importantly whom to be. I am so blessed by this man of Christ that I not only love but admire. I will always have a big place in my heart for this man as he is the man that baptised me in the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Tuesday September 6, 2011
As a man I am wired with the desire to be a problem solver. If someone tells me their problem I want to make it all better by offering them the solution so they can live "happily ever after". Sometimes I'm even pretty decent at offering good advice as maybe it's a situation I have lived through and already conquered. There is something very rewarding about being helpful to a friend that ask us for our opinion.
Now lets look at another scenario. How about when someone is venting a problem or situation and all they want us to do is listen. They don't ask us for any advice but just for a shoulder to cry on. This is very common with women. I have discovered that a lot of times they just want us to listen and not offer any advice or opinion but just be compassionate to their situation that has caused anguish or turmoil in their life that day. Then my macho man brain gets a little bent out of shape as I have a solution for her but she is going to be mad if I tell her as I am only a shoulder to cry on. Then I stop listening to her and thinking how unfair she is to tell me her problems and not even allow me the opportunity to solve the situation. How unfair and rude of her right. (that is when I am hearing the voice of the enemy and not God)
Not at all, how non Christian and rude of me to stop listening and to go against God's Word. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
Where at in that verse does it tell me to solve the problem when no solution has been asked for? Yet it's very clear on how to listen.
The next scenario and the toughest one for many Christians (especially me) is to listen without judging. We see someone living in a way that we believe is non Christian or biblical and we are all over them, kind and compassionately though right. Ahhh, NO!
This is what I call offering unwarranted advice. This is totally different than a friend asking for your opinion. This is even different than your spouse or significant other venting to you about a challenge at work. This is where we decide we want to be Dr. Fixit.
"Well if you would just talk to your kids this way they might respond differently and...."
"If you start living a personal relationship with Christ then He will get you through this...."
"You should've really sought my advice before you did that because I know this guy that...."
These are all examples of where instead of being a friend or a Brother/Sister in Christ we are tearing down the people we care about. Where is the compassion and friendship when we offer unwarranted advice. Some of the wisest Christian men I know will ask me after I tell them something that's been on my mind that is eating at me they will say, "are you asking for my opinion and or advice?" They are wise enough to make sure what is it that I am trying to accomplish by opening up and sharing with them my challenges and frustrations.
When and only when we are certain that they are asking for our opinion and advice we must remember what is said in Paul's letter to the people of Ephesus; Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
So one of my prayers daily lately has been to have the wisdom, strength and courage to not offer unwarranted advice. I also pray that when I do offer advice that has been asked for I do it in a way that only builds up the Kingdom and brings all glory to God with whom deserves it as I am just a broken and sinful man that has been given everything by The Lord.
I ask you my Brothers and Sisters to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my life, heart and voice in a way that will always be pleasing to Him.
Now lets look at another scenario. How about when someone is venting a problem or situation and all they want us to do is listen. They don't ask us for any advice but just for a shoulder to cry on. This is very common with women. I have discovered that a lot of times they just want us to listen and not offer any advice or opinion but just be compassionate to their situation that has caused anguish or turmoil in their life that day. Then my macho man brain gets a little bent out of shape as I have a solution for her but she is going to be mad if I tell her as I am only a shoulder to cry on. Then I stop listening to her and thinking how unfair she is to tell me her problems and not even allow me the opportunity to solve the situation. How unfair and rude of her right. (that is when I am hearing the voice of the enemy and not God)
Not at all, how non Christian and rude of me to stop listening and to go against God's Word. 1 Peter 3:8 Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
Where at in that verse does it tell me to solve the problem when no solution has been asked for? Yet it's very clear on how to listen.
The next scenario and the toughest one for many Christians (especially me) is to listen without judging. We see someone living in a way that we believe is non Christian or biblical and we are all over them, kind and compassionately though right. Ahhh, NO!
This is what I call offering unwarranted advice. This is totally different than a friend asking for your opinion. This is even different than your spouse or significant other venting to you about a challenge at work. This is where we decide we want to be Dr. Fixit.
"Well if you would just talk to your kids this way they might respond differently and...."
"If you start living a personal relationship with Christ then He will get you through this...."
"You should've really sought my advice before you did that because I know this guy that...."
These are all examples of where instead of being a friend or a Brother/Sister in Christ we are tearing down the people we care about. Where is the compassion and friendship when we offer unwarranted advice. Some of the wisest Christian men I know will ask me after I tell them something that's been on my mind that is eating at me they will say, "are you asking for my opinion and or advice?" They are wise enough to make sure what is it that I am trying to accomplish by opening up and sharing with them my challenges and frustrations.
When and only when we are certain that they are asking for our opinion and advice we must remember what is said in Paul's letter to the people of Ephesus; Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
So one of my prayers daily lately has been to have the wisdom, strength and courage to not offer unwarranted advice. I also pray that when I do offer advice that has been asked for I do it in a way that only builds up the Kingdom and brings all glory to God with whom deserves it as I am just a broken and sinful man that has been given everything by The Lord.
I ask you my Brothers and Sisters to pray for the Holy Spirit to guide my life, heart and voice in a way that will always be pleasing to Him.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Sunday September 4, 2011
I have come to wonder just how many of my Christian friends have a strong and dedicated prayer life. This came to my mind as yesterday I had coffee with a dear friend whom has recently returned home to his family after a year deployment in Afghanistan. I was quite shocked when in our conversation I discovered that his family, whom I consider faithful lovers of Christ, don't pray as a family.
I challenged my friend to step up his game if you will, to be the Spiritual Leader of His family as God desires him to be. I asked him to start by leading the family in saying a blessing at meal time. I asked him to start praying together with his wife as I believe that is what God is calling a Husband to do when he is responsible for being the family leader. I think Paul really made it very clear in Ephesians on how a husband and wife should act.
Ephesians 5: 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
It states right there in verse 23 that the husband is the head of the house. It also goes onto say that the husband must lead the wife and family in Love as Christ Loves the church. How does a husband do that? I believe the foundation of that is in a strong prayer life. Teaching the children by his example to always say thanks to God. I also believe to have a strong marriage centered around Christ that the husband must pray with his wife and give thanks to God for her love and all that she means to him in their family.
I know if I had stepped up and been a man of Christ during my marriage and been the spiritual leader of my family I would have had a different outcome. Instead I chose to tear down the kingdom of God and do the work of the Devil. It should be no surprise to anyone that our marriage was going to get worse and continue to deteriorate until we couldn't stomach the sight of each other. That is what happens when you choose a lifestyle that promotes Satan and ignores the pleas of God.
Now be careful to pray from the heart. This is also very clear in the scriptures. Don't pray to impress others as He knows your true heart and thoughts as clearly as the words you pray. Read the Word of Jesus.
Mathew 6:5-7
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
7 “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again.
Now this on the surface can sound confusing as Jesus told the Disciples to go pray in private yet Jesus himself led them in prayer many times. He went onto teach us how to pray. I believe when a husband prays with his wife and lifts her up to The Lord in prayer giving thanks to God for the wonderful blessing his wife is, that not only pleases God but also builds up the esteem of his wife. The end result is going to be a wife that knows how appreciated she is and knows this as she hears words from the heart of her husband when he thanks God Almighty for the blessing of his wife and family.
Dear Lord,
I thank you for this lesson you have once again reminded me of. I thank you for the opportunity to share your Love with my friend about how important strong communication with you is. I thank you for life, love, grace, friendship, loyalty and always listening to our prayers to you Lord Jesus. I pray that I can be an example to my Friends, family and strangers of your Love and Goodness by living the Word that you taught us through your Son and our Savior. Thank you God for your Righteousness. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
I challenged my friend to step up his game if you will, to be the Spiritual Leader of His family as God desires him to be. I asked him to start by leading the family in saying a blessing at meal time. I asked him to start praying together with his wife as I believe that is what God is calling a Husband to do when he is responsible for being the family leader. I think Paul really made it very clear in Ephesians on how a husband and wife should act.
Ephesians 5: 22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.
25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.
It states right there in verse 23 that the husband is the head of the house. It also goes onto say that the husband must lead the wife and family in Love as Christ Loves the church. How does a husband do that? I believe the foundation of that is in a strong prayer life. Teaching the children by his example to always say thanks to God. I also believe to have a strong marriage centered around Christ that the husband must pray with his wife and give thanks to God for her love and all that she means to him in their family.
I know if I had stepped up and been a man of Christ during my marriage and been the spiritual leader of my family I would have had a different outcome. Instead I chose to tear down the kingdom of God and do the work of the Devil. It should be no surprise to anyone that our marriage was going to get worse and continue to deteriorate until we couldn't stomach the sight of each other. That is what happens when you choose a lifestyle that promotes Satan and ignores the pleas of God.
Now be careful to pray from the heart. This is also very clear in the scriptures. Don't pray to impress others as He knows your true heart and thoughts as clearly as the words you pray. Read the Word of Jesus.
Mathew 6:5-7
5 “When you pray, don’t be like the hypocrites who love to pray publicly on street corners and in the synagogues where everyone can see them. I tell you the truth, that is all the reward they will ever get. 6 But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private. Then your Father, who sees everything, will reward you.
7 “When you pray, don’t babble on and on as people of other religions do. They think their prayers are answered merely by repeating their words again and again.
Now this on the surface can sound confusing as Jesus told the Disciples to go pray in private yet Jesus himself led them in prayer many times. He went onto teach us how to pray. I believe when a husband prays with his wife and lifts her up to The Lord in prayer giving thanks to God for the wonderful blessing his wife is, that not only pleases God but also builds up the esteem of his wife. The end result is going to be a wife that knows how appreciated she is and knows this as she hears words from the heart of her husband when he thanks God Almighty for the blessing of his wife and family.
Dear Lord,
I thank you for this lesson you have once again reminded me of. I thank you for the opportunity to share your Love with my friend about how important strong communication with you is. I thank you for life, love, grace, friendship, loyalty and always listening to our prayers to you Lord Jesus. I pray that I can be an example to my Friends, family and strangers of your Love and Goodness by living the Word that you taught us through your Son and our Savior. Thank you God for your Righteousness. In Jesus name I pray. Amen
Friday, September 2, 2011
Friday September 2, 2011
This evening I was chatting online with a Sister in Christ and she was asking about the church I now call home. I sent her the link, http://www.realityolympia.com/ so she could check it out as I was really being lazy but I also wanted her to hear some of the great teaching that Pastor Paul does in his sermons while breaking down the scriptures.
She opened the link and went to the first link that ask, "What do Missional Communities Do?" When she was reading that she came across the answer, "The aim of missional community is to live out the practices of the reign of God. Jesus spent his whole ministry announcing the arrival of the reign of God. Now, what would happen if we believed his announcement?"
Very clear and concise right? Well I guess not as she asked me, "I don't understand what is explained by "missional church". What do they mean by "live out the reign of God"?
Now something I can answer without using my copy and paste tools. Here is my answer to what I believe our church and our elders are wanting our focus on Christ to be about (I also must add that I believe this is their focus as I believe this is what Jesus taught us to do through His Gospel). What it all means to me is that we want to bring the love of Christ to our community through our actions in the community. We get together in small groups and look for people or organizations that could use help and offer a hand. We do this in many different ways and we also do help support mission work worldwide through contributions and prayers. We believe God wants us to be a living example to our neighbors and community by helping out, living the walk and not just talking about what a Christian should look like but by living like a Christian should live. When we do this God will open the doors for us to have conversations about Christ without being overbearing and in your face about it. We will earn trust and friendship first and then we will wait for that door to be opened and then share the great news of the Gospel.
We have all gone to a sporting event or concert where there were people waving signs anywhere from "Jesus Saves Lives" to " Repent Now or Burn in Hell Forever". I don't personally believe these actions ever build up the Body of Christ but tear it apart. There is an old adage that you get more flies with honey than vinegar and I think that applies here as well.
I truly believe when we handle a stressful situation with compassion, understanding and patience that our peers will ask us how or why did we not freak out? The answer should always be something like, "God will never give me more than I can handle" or "How would Jesus have responded if He was here in my shoes"? This will make these people realize that with Christ all is possible. Of course for this to be an effective way to evangelize you MUST believe that God will truly handle the burden for you and you must let go of it and let Him have control.
The last order given by Jesus was to go out and make Disciples of every nation and every tongue. To bring the Gospel to all ends of the earth. I feel that by being a missional church in community we will achieve His goals one person at a time....at least these are my opinions of what it all means. I want to once again state this is not the written mission statement of the church I attend but this is a huge part of what we do as I see it.
I am very blessed to be part of a young and growing church where there are so many young people that are anxious to learn about Christ and wanting to pull up their sleeves and get down and dirty to serve God. At age 41 I am an old timer at Reality and that is a good thing. These young Christians will be able to bring their young friends to Christ much easier than a person a generation older will. I will make myself available to any of these children of God at anytime to listen to and pray with. I will pray for wisdom to only offer advice where it is asked for and to have enough knowledge to answer correctly for the Kingdom of God.
I am blessed to be part of a church with a Pastor that is so humble and full of mature wisdom that he always introduces himself as Hi I'm Paul one of the Elders here at Reality. Paul has a way of breaking down the scripture to where everyone there, if it be a first time visitor to a church or someone that has been churched their entire life will understand the Word of God. Yes I am blessed to be part of such a great missional minded community as Reality Olympia.
Dear Lord, I pray for all your servants and children at Reality Olympia. That we remain humbled by your Grace and that we work to bring lost sheep home to your flock. I pray that as we grow in family that we never lose sight of our roots in you Lord Jesus. I pray that we never give up on any of your sheep no matter how crippled by the enemy they have become. I thank you for the opportunity you have given us to fellowship in community in a way that we can be fulfilling your last and final command here on earth. Oh Lord how wonderful and awesome is your Love and how thankful we are for your Son Jesus that He killed death itself for our sinful hearts. I ask that your Spirit be with us and in our hearts as we attempt to be a living example and a beacon of light that represents your Love oh Father. In Jesus name I pray, Amen
She opened the link and went to the first link that ask, "What do Missional Communities Do?" When she was reading that she came across the answer, "The aim of missional community is to live out the practices of the reign of God. Jesus spent his whole ministry announcing the arrival of the reign of God. Now, what would happen if we believed his announcement?"
Very clear and concise right? Well I guess not as she asked me, "I don't understand what is explained by "missional church". What do they mean by "live out the reign of God"?
Now something I can answer without using my copy and paste tools. Here is my answer to what I believe our church and our elders are wanting our focus on Christ to be about (I also must add that I believe this is their focus as I believe this is what Jesus taught us to do through His Gospel). What it all means to me is that we want to bring the love of Christ to our community through our actions in the community. We get together in small groups and look for people or organizations that could use help and offer a hand. We do this in many different ways and we also do help support mission work worldwide through contributions and prayers. We believe God wants us to be a living example to our neighbors and community by helping out, living the walk and not just talking about what a Christian should look like but by living like a Christian should live. When we do this God will open the doors for us to have conversations about Christ without being overbearing and in your face about it. We will earn trust and friendship first and then we will wait for that door to be opened and then share the great news of the Gospel.
We have all gone to a sporting event or concert where there were people waving signs anywhere from "Jesus Saves Lives" to " Repent Now or Burn in Hell Forever". I don't personally believe these actions ever build up the Body of Christ but tear it apart. There is an old adage that you get more flies with honey than vinegar and I think that applies here as well.
I truly believe when we handle a stressful situation with compassion, understanding and patience that our peers will ask us how or why did we not freak out? The answer should always be something like, "God will never give me more than I can handle" or "How would Jesus have responded if He was here in my shoes"? This will make these people realize that with Christ all is possible. Of course for this to be an effective way to evangelize you MUST believe that God will truly handle the burden for you and you must let go of it and let Him have control.
The last order given by Jesus was to go out and make Disciples of every nation and every tongue. To bring the Gospel to all ends of the earth. I feel that by being a missional church in community we will achieve His goals one person at a time....at least these are my opinions of what it all means. I want to once again state this is not the written mission statement of the church I attend but this is a huge part of what we do as I see it.
I am very blessed to be part of a young and growing church where there are so many young people that are anxious to learn about Christ and wanting to pull up their sleeves and get down and dirty to serve God. At age 41 I am an old timer at Reality and that is a good thing. These young Christians will be able to bring their young friends to Christ much easier than a person a generation older will. I will make myself available to any of these children of God at anytime to listen to and pray with. I will pray for wisdom to only offer advice where it is asked for and to have enough knowledge to answer correctly for the Kingdom of God.
I am blessed to be part of a church with a Pastor that is so humble and full of mature wisdom that he always introduces himself as Hi I'm Paul one of the Elders here at Reality. Paul has a way of breaking down the scripture to where everyone there, if it be a first time visitor to a church or someone that has been churched their entire life will understand the Word of God. Yes I am blessed to be part of such a great missional minded community as Reality Olympia.
Dear Lord, I pray for all your servants and children at Reality Olympia. That we remain humbled by your Grace and that we work to bring lost sheep home to your flock. I pray that as we grow in family that we never lose sight of our roots in you Lord Jesus. I pray that we never give up on any of your sheep no matter how crippled by the enemy they have become. I thank you for the opportunity you have given us to fellowship in community in a way that we can be fulfilling your last and final command here on earth. Oh Lord how wonderful and awesome is your Love and how thankful we are for your Son Jesus that He killed death itself for our sinful hearts. I ask that your Spirit be with us and in our hearts as we attempt to be a living example and a beacon of light that represents your Love oh Father. In Jesus name I pray, Amen
Thursday Septemeber 1, 2011
Something I have struggled with since I was a boy is a great appreciation for the opposite sex. I find women very attractive, pretty, beautiful, sexy and just plain desirable . I believe God made them this way purposely. If He hadn't we would not still be here as we must keep repopulating or the human race would end. None of my attraction to women as I described is even a sin.
The challenge is I have looked at women with a great lust in my eyes since I was a boy. I remember as a little boy taking showers with the high school aged babysitters. I loved the female body ever since. Even before I knew what sex was, I already desired the naked female body. I am not writing this to share with the world how twisted and perverted I have been but at how the enemy will start working on us at a very young age and how that foundation the Devil lays can hurt and destroy many people but worst of all it can tear down the Kingdom of God.
This young lust grew as I grew older. I began experimenting with a female friend in the 5th grade. This led to a life long quest for sexual relations. I began working in a resort at age 16 and discovered through deception I could sleep with grown women and I took advantage of that time and time again. As I grew into my early twenties it became even easier to get what I wanted out of women. By this time in my life women were merely a conquest. It got so bad around the age of 21 I only wanted to sleep with married women. I had lots of excuses for this but it came down to only 2 reasons in my mind. Married women were more of a challenge. The 2nd reason was that they were already in an emotional relationship and so I could have as many as I could handle at a time and they couldn't get jealous (or at least they shouldn't).
Now in defense of my own wickedness I will say that at this point in my life I had no relationship with Christ. I really didn't even believe in Jesus during this time. Now looking back I see why that is. Satan had blinded my heart from Christ with a sexual perversion towards women. An unhealthy lust for companionship, a shallow and hollow desire for companionship, a sick and perverse expectation of companionship.
Then in my late 20's as a result of a relationship that was doomed for failure. My girlfriend at the time, a lady I had lusted after for several years and finally I wore her down. She convinced me to join her at church one Sunday. A long story short it was through this sinful and broken relationship that finally led me to admit that there was a God. How great I felt, I now believe in God so I am saved. I believe in God, therefore I'm a Christian.
Well guess what. Me believing that God was real made me a Christian like sleeping in the garage makes me a car. I didn't do things that would honor God. I didn't do things that would bring honor to myself or the countless women I was still sleeping with. I continued to live a sin filled life in the fast lane.
On Christmas Eve 1999 I prayed to God at church that I was tired of living a shallow life of one bed to another. I prayed that I was ready to settle down and have a family. I prayed that I was ready to be the man He desired me to be. Three days later I met my soon to be wife. I knew within minutes I was going to marry Barbara. Five months later we were married and 5 months after our wedding we had my wonderful daughter. I already had Danny (11) and Melissa (9) as my step kids when Alexandria was born. I already broke my promise to God about these kids as I was already emotionally abusive to not only the kids but my wife.
By the time we celebrated our 2nd anniversary I had been unfaithful to my wife. Not once but several times.
So lets recap. I grow up with no knowledge or admittance that God existed. I was living a life that was destroying the hearts and souls of many women and being rewarded by Satan with more women, money and toys. I then was finally convinced that God existed, followed with me asking God to change my life and give me a family. God answered that prayer in 3 days, YES 3 DAYS!!! How did I pay God for that gift of a family? I was mentally and emotionally abusive to my wife and kids and started committing adultery too. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
I'm sure it's no big surprise that my marriage ended in divorce. The amazing and sad thing is my wife whom loved and trusted me was still willing to work on saving our marriage and I was finally the one that left. I carried that guilt and shame around for a very long time.
About a year and a half after I left my wife I was in a pretty serious relationship with a woman that I adored. We started attending church together. We decided to join the church together even though we were both legally still married to our spouses yet we lived together. A week later I was baptized along with my beautiful daughter Alexandria. That was the day I truly gave my life to Christ, Sunday June 8, 2008. I took that commitment to Jesus that day in front of my church family very seriously. Three weeks later while away on a business trip my girlfriend moved out and broke my heart as I had so many before her. I was devastated! How could God allow this to happen? I was finally in love and had just devoted my heart to Jesus and He allowed her to leave me. You bet He did, because He loved me so much.
The past three years have been a roller coaster of a journey where through Christ so many positive changes have happened in my life. I now knew what real love felt like to receive. I have a peace in my heart that I never got from living for the enemy. I finally got a grip on my temper. I still had one major hang up. I couldn't quit the women though. I slowed way down, probably cutting it down to 15-20 women a year for the last 3 years. After all I was calling myself a Christian and I needed to stop being a man whore.
Then about a year ago God really started to convict me of my actions. I found a new no nonsense Bible based church with a young Pastor that told me, "what are you telling me that God can raise Jesus from the dead after 3 days and you can't abstain from sex until you are married again?" Wow, that really put it all in perspective for me. Since that conversation I have grown even more. That was ten months ago. I have only messed around with about 6-8 women since then and felt more strongly convicted each and every time.
The last few months God has been calling me to some sort of Ministry and I am still unsure what or why. My excuse was, I can't answer this call as I can't behave myself. I WILL NOT be a hypocrite. Well I have been a hypocrite every since I was baptized and yet God continued to forgive me each and every time I slipped up.
I told my Pastor what I was going through and why I could not commit what God was asking and then after prayer it all came to me. The only way for me to remain celibate was to answer the calling God is making of me. I will not make that commitment and fall down again. I will not be a hypocritical Christian no longer, at least not in the sins of the flesh. I will not fool around in anyway until I am once again married and in a marriage that puts Christ first and at the center of our lives. This I have promised to my Lord and I will not fail him again in this aspect. I can not and will not let Him down.
Please pray for me. Pray that God gives me the strength to honor His command and law. Pray that the Devil stops chasing after me every night when I close my eyes. Pray that I will be able to bring other men with these same struggles of the flesh to our loving and forgiving Lord so they too may be honored to humbly serve God in a way that is pleasing to Him. Pray that I stop lusting for women and can learn to treat them with the dignity and respect as God wishes. Please pray for me in all these things in the name of Jesus Christ.
Job 31:1-12
1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look with lust at a young woman.
2 For what has God above chosen for us?
What is our inheritance from the Almighty on high?
3 Isn’t it calamity for the wicked
and misfortune for those who do evil?
4 Doesn’t he see everything I do
and every step I take?
5 “Have I lied to anyone
or deceived anyone?
6 Let God weigh me on the scales of justice,
for he knows my integrity.
7 If I have strayed from his pathway,
or if my heart has lusted for what my eyes have seen,
or if I am guilty of any other sin,
8 then let someone else eat the crops I have planted.
Let all that I have planted be uprooted.
9 “If my heart has been seduced by a woman,
or if I have lusted for my neighbor’s wife,
10 then let my wife belong to[a] another man;
let other men sleep with her.
11 For lust is a shameful sin,
a crime that should be punished.
12 It is a fire that burns all the way to hell.[b]
It would wipe out everything I own.
The challenge is I have looked at women with a great lust in my eyes since I was a boy. I remember as a little boy taking showers with the high school aged babysitters. I loved the female body ever since. Even before I knew what sex was, I already desired the naked female body. I am not writing this to share with the world how twisted and perverted I have been but at how the enemy will start working on us at a very young age and how that foundation the Devil lays can hurt and destroy many people but worst of all it can tear down the Kingdom of God.
This young lust grew as I grew older. I began experimenting with a female friend in the 5th grade. This led to a life long quest for sexual relations. I began working in a resort at age 16 and discovered through deception I could sleep with grown women and I took advantage of that time and time again. As I grew into my early twenties it became even easier to get what I wanted out of women. By this time in my life women were merely a conquest. It got so bad around the age of 21 I only wanted to sleep with married women. I had lots of excuses for this but it came down to only 2 reasons in my mind. Married women were more of a challenge. The 2nd reason was that they were already in an emotional relationship and so I could have as many as I could handle at a time and they couldn't get jealous (or at least they shouldn't).
Now in defense of my own wickedness I will say that at this point in my life I had no relationship with Christ. I really didn't even believe in Jesus during this time. Now looking back I see why that is. Satan had blinded my heart from Christ with a sexual perversion towards women. An unhealthy lust for companionship, a shallow and hollow desire for companionship, a sick and perverse expectation of companionship.
Then in my late 20's as a result of a relationship that was doomed for failure. My girlfriend at the time, a lady I had lusted after for several years and finally I wore her down. She convinced me to join her at church one Sunday. A long story short it was through this sinful and broken relationship that finally led me to admit that there was a God. How great I felt, I now believe in God so I am saved. I believe in God, therefore I'm a Christian.
Well guess what. Me believing that God was real made me a Christian like sleeping in the garage makes me a car. I didn't do things that would honor God. I didn't do things that would bring honor to myself or the countless women I was still sleeping with. I continued to live a sin filled life in the fast lane.
On Christmas Eve 1999 I prayed to God at church that I was tired of living a shallow life of one bed to another. I prayed that I was ready to settle down and have a family. I prayed that I was ready to be the man He desired me to be. Three days later I met my soon to be wife. I knew within minutes I was going to marry Barbara. Five months later we were married and 5 months after our wedding we had my wonderful daughter. I already had Danny (11) and Melissa (9) as my step kids when Alexandria was born. I already broke my promise to God about these kids as I was already emotionally abusive to not only the kids but my wife.
By the time we celebrated our 2nd anniversary I had been unfaithful to my wife. Not once but several times.
So lets recap. I grow up with no knowledge or admittance that God existed. I was living a life that was destroying the hearts and souls of many women and being rewarded by Satan with more women, money and toys. I then was finally convinced that God existed, followed with me asking God to change my life and give me a family. God answered that prayer in 3 days, YES 3 DAYS!!! How did I pay God for that gift of a family? I was mentally and emotionally abusive to my wife and kids and started committing adultery too. Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.
I'm sure it's no big surprise that my marriage ended in divorce. The amazing and sad thing is my wife whom loved and trusted me was still willing to work on saving our marriage and I was finally the one that left. I carried that guilt and shame around for a very long time.
About a year and a half after I left my wife I was in a pretty serious relationship with a woman that I adored. We started attending church together. We decided to join the church together even though we were both legally still married to our spouses yet we lived together. A week later I was baptized along with my beautiful daughter Alexandria. That was the day I truly gave my life to Christ, Sunday June 8, 2008. I took that commitment to Jesus that day in front of my church family very seriously. Three weeks later while away on a business trip my girlfriend moved out and broke my heart as I had so many before her. I was devastated! How could God allow this to happen? I was finally in love and had just devoted my heart to Jesus and He allowed her to leave me. You bet He did, because He loved me so much.
The past three years have been a roller coaster of a journey where through Christ so many positive changes have happened in my life. I now knew what real love felt like to receive. I have a peace in my heart that I never got from living for the enemy. I finally got a grip on my temper. I still had one major hang up. I couldn't quit the women though. I slowed way down, probably cutting it down to 15-20 women a year for the last 3 years. After all I was calling myself a Christian and I needed to stop being a man whore.
Then about a year ago God really started to convict me of my actions. I found a new no nonsense Bible based church with a young Pastor that told me, "what are you telling me that God can raise Jesus from the dead after 3 days and you can't abstain from sex until you are married again?" Wow, that really put it all in perspective for me. Since that conversation I have grown even more. That was ten months ago. I have only messed around with about 6-8 women since then and felt more strongly convicted each and every time.
The last few months God has been calling me to some sort of Ministry and I am still unsure what or why. My excuse was, I can't answer this call as I can't behave myself. I WILL NOT be a hypocrite. Well I have been a hypocrite every since I was baptized and yet God continued to forgive me each and every time I slipped up.
I told my Pastor what I was going through and why I could not commit what God was asking and then after prayer it all came to me. The only way for me to remain celibate was to answer the calling God is making of me. I will not make that commitment and fall down again. I will not be a hypocritical Christian no longer, at least not in the sins of the flesh. I will not fool around in anyway until I am once again married and in a marriage that puts Christ first and at the center of our lives. This I have promised to my Lord and I will not fail him again in this aspect. I can not and will not let Him down.
Please pray for me. Pray that God gives me the strength to honor His command and law. Pray that the Devil stops chasing after me every night when I close my eyes. Pray that I will be able to bring other men with these same struggles of the flesh to our loving and forgiving Lord so they too may be honored to humbly serve God in a way that is pleasing to Him. Pray that I stop lusting for women and can learn to treat them with the dignity and respect as God wishes. Please pray for me in all these things in the name of Jesus Christ.
Job 31:1-12
1 “I made a covenant with my eyes
not to look with lust at a young woman.
2 For what has God above chosen for us?
What is our inheritance from the Almighty on high?
3 Isn’t it calamity for the wicked
and misfortune for those who do evil?
4 Doesn’t he see everything I do
and every step I take?
5 “Have I lied to anyone
or deceived anyone?
6 Let God weigh me on the scales of justice,
for he knows my integrity.
7 If I have strayed from his pathway,
or if my heart has lusted for what my eyes have seen,
or if I am guilty of any other sin,
8 then let someone else eat the crops I have planted.
Let all that I have planted be uprooted.
9 “If my heart has been seduced by a woman,
or if I have lusted for my neighbor’s wife,
10 then let my wife belong to[a] another man;
let other men sleep with her.
11 For lust is a shameful sin,
a crime that should be punished.
12 It is a fire that burns all the way to hell.[b]
It would wipe out everything I own.
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